SIA Documentary
by Demon Eyes Laharl
Summary: Self Insert Appreciation Documentary... How does an SI live in the anime world without power ups, additional skills, or even influence on the plot as a whole? Can even he live normally? Will this documentary answer those questions? Prolly not. :P XD
1. Chapter 1

Self Insert… by definition, it's strictly a placement of one's self inside a fan fiction work. Many of fan work authors have come across this word at least once in their lifetimes. The history of Self Inserts (hereby called SIs) has been washed and faded to obscurity. When did it start? Who started it? And most importantly… why?

While doubtfully if anyone will know the real truth behind it, whatever the true goal of having SIs in fan fiction was, has been tarnished. If any fan works depicts or even gives a hint of having an SI, readers turn away. And why is that, some would ask… well, it's because most SIs in a fan fiction are done as… gods.

Yes… it's true. Most SIs are portrayed as gods. As an author, he can do everything to make sure that he gets all the good spots, has invincible martial arts style, able to predict the future with such clarity… an SI never goes down, hurt badly, ugly, smells, or anything negative. They attract girls like honey attracts flies, and always the center of every conflict, able to end or start a war as he pleases.

However, there are many authors who have written SI fan fictions which are quite well done, and very much well received. No doubt that this is how a real SI is supposed to be showcased. Whilst some of them still fall on some of the categories of a godly SI, they all had a certain balance… certain conflict they all faced. And they entertained the readers.

One author has undertaken a task… a mission, if you will, to observe and see if there is any chance for an SI to live in a an fan fiction world without any added 'powers'. He is to carefully live in an AMH Dimension World… what most readers would call anime and manga universe… and learn new skills, meet new people, and when the time comes, leave.

Every world he'll visit will eventually forget him… his existence will vanish. Who he worked with, who befriended him… and perhaps those who loved him will not remember what he stood for, what he taught. He will remember though, for that is a burden he undertook to show the world that just being himself, with no extra powers, he can live in the AMH Worlds.

Here he is now, taking his first step on an AMH world. Like a swirling mist, a blue energy crackled in an empty space. He didn't want to alarm citizens if he suddenly arrived like the Terminator, enclosed in a blue sphere… though thank the gods he wasn't going to appear naked.

The energy faded, leaving behind a slightly overweight male with brownish skin and shoulder length black hair. He had a loose fitting polo shirt, white, with black undershirt. He also had loose fitting jeans with brown boots. His eyes were closed for a moment, savoring the air for a moment before he opened his eyes.

"Well, that was rather easy," he stated with a small smile. "For a moment there, I thought it was going to be…"

He was cut off when he heard a motor coming at him. Taking a slight glance towards the direction of the sound, his eyes widened suddenly when he saw a headlight, a yellow body, and a wheel rolling towards him at full throttle.

"Oh bugger…"

This is Buds… author also known as Demon Eyes Laharl (Dell, for short) and Omega X. His first run at the AMH world lasted less than ten seconds, due to a speeding Vespa, a severed spine and neck.

* * *

_(Put cool sounding Japanese rock music here… oh, and add an anime like sequence here)_

**Demon Eyes Laharl presents…**

**The Self Insert Appreciation Documentary**

_Real SIs aren't heroes… They are regular people._

* * *

He awoke with a start, rubbing his head and neck, muttering strings of curses.

"The eagle has landed… not," a female voice declared in front of Buds. She smirked when he saw him glare at him.

For those curious, the woman was Buds' familiar. She's a very sexy red head, with an ample bosom, shapely hips and long legs. Her job is mostly keeping the 'Author Protocols' i.e. Author's Powers inside her being, to be taken out when needed or at Buds' command. He calls her Keyboard-ko.

"Oi… don't call me that."

My apologies. Back to the story then…

The place was absolutely… white. White walls… white floor… white ceiling. This is the hideaway of every SI before they continue on to their adventures. It has many names… ranging from original ones to those borrowed from the AMH Worlds.

Absolute Territory Area, ATA for short. I am betting Evangelion started this name.

Avalon… a nice new name taken from the rather fan favorite Fate/Stay Night.

Enclosed Space… no idea where that came from… though I suspect it came from the Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Twilight Zone. Shame on you if you don't know it.

Buds calls it the X-Zone… for some reason.

"What the hell happened?" he asked.

"What do you think happened?" his familiar grinned. "You took three seconds to breathe in the fresh air of your first AMH World, only to notice, too late I might add, a Vespa coming in, and it hit you so hard your whole spine turned to jello."

Buds raised his finger and opened his mouth. A syllable came out before he cut it off, and remained silent for a moment. "You… I mean…" he growled. "I told you I wanted this to be perfect!"

"No, you said you wanted to be placed somewhere far from an urban area, away from prying eyes," she crossed her arms across her attractive chest. "It's not my fault the world you were going to has a crazy woman with a guitar on her back and was driving her Vespa like a psycho."

"You could have sent me on the side road… or at least a few meters away from the impact zone!" Buds pointed an accusing finger towards her. "But noooooo… you placed me there on purpose! You wanted to see me splatter my brains out, right, Keyboard-ko?"

Her eyes burned, and an evil aura surrounded. "Whut did you call me!?" she demanded in a very low tone, grabbing the offending man by his collar and dragged him up. Her free hand grabbed a few chestnuts out of nowhere, and made a show of crushing them slowly into powder with her grip.

"Ulp…" Buds swallowed the lump that lodged itself on his throat, his hands going protectively over his privates. "I… I'm sorr…"

"Do I have to remind you that you need me more than I need you!?" she demanded, shaking him slightly. "I have your protocols. I decide where you go and what you can do! You, yourself, stated that deal, spouting about how you are going to change the public view of SIs, and you have the gall to complain about your premature death because you took your sweet little time to take a deep breathe…" And she mockingly mimicked him taking deep breathes, exaggerated of course, "In addition, not notice the scooter speeding at you until you went splat?"

She shoved him towards the wall, her teeth out, revealing some sharp canines.

"Alright… I'm sorry Key…"

"Call me Boss!" she cut him off.

"Yes Bo… no fucking way," Buds caught himself at the end. At the same time, he crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm not calling you 'boss'… nu-uh."

"Hmph," she huffed, releasing him. "You're gonna call me boss one way or another."

"Screw you," Buds declared, flipping her 'the bird'. After a moment of silence, he looked towards his familiar who was whistling and floating in the air. "Which AMH world did I die in?"

"FLCL," she replied.

"Oh… then the trip wasn't much of a waste," Buds stated. "I don't know what I could have done in that world anyways."

"Prolly grow a bump, and let it turn to a mini guitar," she smiled.

"Or drum sticks. Anyways… next world?"

Buds' familiar began to ponder a bit, seemingly thinking of another AMH world to send the SI into. "Whatcha wanna do this time?" she asked. "Fight off evil demons?"

Buds looked at her. "No. I don't even have the capacity to slay a low level demon," he replied.

"Save the world?" she asked again.

"Save the… hey, are you being serious!?" Buds demanded. "How the hell am I, a normal human being, save the world?"

She shrugged. "Whip out those protocols of yours… you can be Superman when you want…"

"How many times do I have to tell you?" Buds pointed his finger at her. "I'm not gonna be some powered up SI!"

"But its sooo boring if you just try and live your life! Think of me! You think I like watching you do some normal shit when you can just do something so stupendous it would shake the foundation of the universe you'll live in?"

"Yeah, yeah, hence why I don't wanna do this SI travel with powering protocols… it's because I love to bore you to death," Buds declared sarcastically. "Just send me somewhere, alright? You decide. Send me in a war, or something… you'd prolly like seeing a bomb blow me up to pieces, send my guts and everywhere, anyways…"

"I'm not that sad, you know," she muttered, before she began to glow.

"I know…" Buds replied before his familiar's glow became blinding.

* * *

The first thing Buds would see every time the blinding glow would subside is white… then his eyesight would slowly correct itself, and he'd see colors. Blue, red, yellow, and brown would come in… then shapes… and lastly, details.

The blue would be the sky. The red would be the flowers outside the window. Yellow would be the sun. And the brown would be the wooden furnitures. For some reason, Buds found himself in a slightly furnished apartment, with a large window and a viranda.

There was one particular color that stood out in front of Buds: Dark blue purple, with golden strands and pale flesh color. He didn't know why or how, but a hooded woman was standing in front of him. He blinked.

"Are you my master?" she asked.

"Uh… huh…" Buds muttered, his mouth open. "Um… come again? I don't think I heard you right."

Her head moved in annoyance. "Very well… I shall repeat myself. Are you my master?" she asked again.

Buds looked towards the right, where he saw his familiar floating with a grin. "Uh… what's going on Ke…" he stopped when her face turned dark.

The woman in front of him looked curiously. "Who are you talking to?" she asked.

Before we go on, it should be said that Buds' familiar cannot be seen by anyone except him, and she's only corporeal in the X-Zone. In the AMH world, she's invisible and untouchable by everyone else.

"I wasn't talking to anybody…" Buds replied with a nervous chuckle. "Um… so… you're asking me if I'm your master… right?"

"Yes," she replied at once.

"Am I your master?" Buds asked stupidly.

"… I was asking that," she stated, her mouth forming a rather thin line.

"Oh just say yes, Buds," the SI's familiar stated with a shake of her head. "See those marks in your hands? Those are Command Spells. It's proof that you are a Master."

He raised his hand up to see… sure enough, there were marks on them. He looked at them curiously, and the woman saw them, and nodded.

"That is the proof that you are my master," she gave a slight bow. "I am Caster. I am your Servant."

"… You are?" Buds asked. "Um… cool… I think?"

Caster gave a slight sigh. "I shall then assist you to get the Holy Grail," she stated. "Master, I think I should explain my abilities…"

While Caster began to explain her abilities, Buds' eyes roamed towards her form. He imagined what she looked like without those baggy clothing for a moment. Unconsciously, he grinned. This Caster chick had a hot body, in his humble opinion. His head was careening to one side of his head, checking out how she looked like in other angles. Then, in his head, he formed some little erotic scenarios.

"Master… I am your Servant… I will do anything to you…" Caster would say as she stripped off her cloak, revealing her heavenly body. She would then saddle atop of him, and they'd…

"Master, are you okay?" she asked, rather deadpanned when she noticed Buds bleeding a bit through his nose.

"Uh, yeah, sure, I'm fine… okay! Yeah!" Buds had an unnaturally large grin to hide his lecherous expression.

Caster looked at him with narrow eyes. She found her master rather odd… too odd in fact. Other than having command spells, he showed no real sign of being a magician. She opted to not tell him her real name just in case.

"I may need mana recharging soon, Master," Caster stated with a serious nod.

"Uh… sure," Buds looked towards his invisible familiar who was grinning like mad. "Um… how am I supposed to do that?"

Caster's lips formed a thin line again. In her mind, she was asking if he was being serious. In an even tone, she replied, "Body fluid exchange."

"Oh… like… kissing?" Buds asked, finding the idea not bad… not too bad at all.

"No… something more potent," Caster placed her hands behind her, now gauging her new master.

"… sex?" Buds asked again.

"If you want to call it that, yes," Caster nodded slightly.

Buds head whipped around, facing the other way, his fist out on his chest, tears of joy spouting out of his eyes. 'SCORE!' he thought with a very wide grin.

"Very well," Buds stated as he hit his chest with his fist. "I can take care of that duty."

His familiar just rolled her eyes. Seemingly, Buds, a 21 year old virgin… in a span of one… no, two… wait, make that 16 years has been dateless, and got his hormones in overflow in seeing this beautiful sexy woman asking him to have sex with her soon. If he had been thinking a bit more clearly, he'd have noticed her dark expression as she studied him.

"Yes, I think you won't mind that duty too much," Caster stated. Her mind began to wonder more about this new Master of hers… "Master… why do you seek the Holy Grail?"

"Holy Grail? What's that?" Buds asked.

Caster's form suddenly went rigid. "You do not know about the Holy Grail?" she asked with a rather cold tone.

Buds felt the temperature drop a few degrees. He looked towards his familiar who was stopping her laughter, her arms around her stomach, and hunched over. He guessed he wouldn't get anything from her.

"Um…" Buds began to think. "O… of course I know the Holy Grail! Hahaha!" he laughed nervously. "I was just teasing you after all!"

"Then why do you want the Holy Grail?" Caster asked again.

"Uh… I… uh…" Buds' head began to think of a very valid reason to want something which he had no real clue about. Holy Grail? The only references he could think was the cup which Jesus drank from in the Last Supper… that and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

Finally, a reason came to his head. "To gain eternal life."

"How cliché," Buds' familiar stated, deadpanned. The SI growled softly, and gave her a face, which said 'Oh shut up' quite clearly.

"Gain eternal life eh?" Caster asked, not really convinced. "It's an… impressive aim."

"Really?"

"No," she replied. "It's obviously made up. Are you really a magician?"

Buds familiar couldn't hold back her laughter anymore. She was rolling in mid-air, laughing without a care. Buds wasn't. Her form was chilling, and he felt if he didn't give her a 'right' answer soon, she'd be really pissed at him. Thinking for a few seconds on how to handle this, he made a rather rash decision.

"Alright… no," he muttered. He surmised that being truthful at this point would be the smartest move. "I'm not a magician, really…"

"How did you summon me then?" Caster asked.

He paused before giving another truthful answer. "No real idea."

"Ah… I see," Caster nodded her head for a moment. Buds felt the temperature dropping back to normal, and her form was no longer rigid like before.

"So… are we cool on this?" he asked.

"I suppose so…" Caster then took off her hood, showing Buds her face for the first time. He gasped.

Her blue eyes shone brightly… her hair, braided on one side was also blue, and her pale skin made her very beautiful. Her pointed ears made it even more exotic, and her smile was infectious. He couldn't help himself… Buds smiled in a silly manner as well.

That is until her blue eyes and her smile turned icy.

Buds dove at once to his left… he isn't a black-belter, or even an expert of any martial arts style, but having studied more than 3 styles of fighting, his body was still trained to move and dodge from dangers, even if it hasn't completely registered in his head. The wall behind where Buds had stood earlier had cracked, and some of its pieces shattered, and flew in the air.

A blue energy ball had almost hit him. He barely even dodged it. And Caster didn't like that. Her hands formed another blue ball, and aimed towards the fallen SI. "Die…" she muttered.

The blue ball launched itself towards Buds, his arms covering himself. His mouth opened, and he screamed… "DON'T KILL ME!!"

The ball stopped a few inches from his face, and disappeared to thin air. Caster's eyes narrowed when she noticed a glow in his right hand, and one of his command spells disappeared. She sighed. "Damn those command spells," she whispered.

Buds looked at her for a moment before glancing towards his familiar. She smiled. "Command spells in your arm allow you to give absolute orders to your Servants even if it's against their will," she explained.

Buds blinked for a moment… then smirked. He began to laugh. He slowly stood up, and looked towards Caster who was glaring at him. He crossed his arms on his chest. "Not so tough now, are you?" he asked with a grin.

"Heh…" Caster's hands once again formed a blue ball in her hand, much to Buds' surprise. The ball once again launched itself towards the boy, who barely dodged it once again.

The SI backed himself towards a wall, and looked at Caster, surprised. Why was she trying to kill him… are the command spells temporary? Did it have a certain expiry date?

It wasn't until she launched another ball to him did he realize what she was aiming. Caster wasn't going for him at all… she was aiming for his arm which held his command spells. Barely raising his arm to dodge that projectile, he ordered in a clear voice, "You will not harm me in any way!"

His hand glowed again, and another mark was removed. Caster growled and stood down as he studied her soon to be ex-Master with a little amused smile in her lips. She had exploited a loophole in his first command, and opted to take a limb away (which wasn't fatal) to relieve him of his command spells but he caught on by giving another command, in expense to his second command spell, which now prevents her from harming or killing him in any way.

"Hmph," she huffed, crossing her slender arms across her chest. "You may have delayed the inevitable, boy, but make no mistake… I will kill you."

Without another word, she turned around and walked towards the exit. Buds blinked for a moment, and was tempted to ask about the mana recharging when his mind told him that it would be much better if he just shut up for now.

When Caster had left the apartment, Buds looked at his familiar, and frowned. "Thanks for all the help you've been given me up to this point."

"Oh shut up," she replied with a grin. "This is fun! Better than the crap you've wanted about living life normally. Now you got a murdering witch after your tail, and if you don't watch your step, you're going to find yourself in the wrong end of her wrath."

"Why did she turn on me?" Buds asked. "Aren't I her… master or something?"

"The moment you said you knew nothing about the Holy Grail, she deemed you useless," she replied with a small laugh. "Well… you're lucky to still be alive. Congrats."

"Yeah… oh well…" Buds looked at his hand, and noticed that the lines (Command Spells) have been reduced. "Huh?"

"You got three command spells," his familiar explained. "You used two. When you use them all… well, let's say your ass is hers."

"So… all I gotta do is not use the last command spell, right?" Buds asked.

"You got it," she winked. "But knowing your Servant… she's gonna find ways to make you use up that last spell."

Buds sighed. He looked desperately towards his familiar, and asked, "Mind giving me a hand here?"

"I'd rather watch you fuck up," she replied at once.

"Hmph," Buds huffed. "You're as helpful as Reiko…" he paused. After a moment, he smirked. "Heh! I guess I can start calling you that. I shall now dub thee as Reiko!"

His familiar looked at him oddly. "Who the hell is Reiko?" she asked.

"An old friend who I once accidentally saw naked… and tried to stab me the day we met…" Buds muttered. "Long time ago… I wonder how she's doing…"

"Reiko… Reiko… Rei… ko…" his familiar smiled as she let the name roll on her tongue. "I like it. Well, its better than Keyboard-ko." She nodded. "You can call me Reiko then."

"Gladly," Buds muttered dryly.

From that day on, Keyboard-ko was now named Reiko, after Buds' eccentric Japanese female friend.

* * *

In the past three days, Reiko (Keyboard-ko's new name) smirked as she watched Buds and Caster interact. True to her words, the Servant had put several attempts to have the SI use his last command spell.

_First Attempt, Day 1: _

Caster walked in Buds' room at night, naked. His eyes bugged out of his eye sockets, and muttered dumbly at her.

"Mana… recharging?" he asked.

Caster smirked. "No. I found a way to recharge myself without your help. But… if you want to have sex with me, you will have to use your command spell to force me to it, right?" she asked.

Buds turned around, and looked away from her. No way would he take that bait. Caster's smirk grew larger as she slid on his futon, and enclosed her arms around him, letting him feel her skin on his back.

Buds couldn't sleep that night, and thought of buying a lock for his door.

_Second Attempt, Day 2: _

Buds sighed as he emptied his pocket. He had no money to buy a lock, having spent most of it on breakfast. Caster, beside him smirked again.

"If you wanted to, I could give you something to sell for money," she stated. "Of course, its mine, and I can't let you have it, unless you use that command spell of yours."

Buds looked for a part-time job that day. He found a low paying job as a Ramen deliverer. He started today for the afternoon, and got enough money for dinner.

Caster still slept naked beside him. He couldn't sleep well.

_Third Attempt, Day 3: _

Buds had bag under his eyes. She was torturing him. He almost crashed his bike on a lamp post today. He spilled his delivery, and was warned about being fired if another mishap occurs.

"I could nix you a spell to take away your sleepiness," Caster stated with a smirk. "Of course… you gotta…"

"Shut the fuck up," Buds muttered as he slid down his futon that night. But no matter how sleepy he was, for some reason, he was kept awake.

* * *

"She's fucking killing me…" Buds muttered to Reiko who was laughing softly. His sleepiness finally got him fired (after running over the person he was supposed to deliver to) and he was in the play ground, looking at the ground dejectedly.

It was evening, and he didn't feel like returning. He wanted to get away from Caster, and hopefully, he'd get some sleep.

"She uses her spells to keep you up," Reiko stated.

"I thought she isn't supposed to harm me in any way?" Buds asked.

"She isn't harming you, per-say… she's even putting some stamina in you so you wouldn't suffer any real damage," Reiko flipped over. "She's just making your mind crack… make you slip. She is very clever."

"Yeah…" Buds sighed. He closed his eyes. "Can it get any worse…?"

"You know that saying things like that makes things worse?" Reiko asked.

"How can it get worse?" Buds asked, looking at her. He blinked.

Reiko wasn't looking at him. She was looking towards her front. His head moved, trying to see what his familiar was trying to see. His eyes widened. He saw a shadow of two figures; a big one walking towards him, and another small figure, a child, in his shoulders. When the light shone on the two, he gasped.

The large male figure was muscled, holding an enormous, barbaric looking blade. On his shoulder stood a little girl with pale skin, long blonde hair, and red eyes. She jumped towards the big man's open hand, and slowly put her on the ground. She smirked at him.

"Uh… hi…" Buds greeted dumbly.

"Where is your Servant?" the young girl asked.

"Um… somewhere?" Buds replied.

"I guess this makes it easier," the girl looked towards the large man. "Berserker!"

The enormous man growled and raised his weapon. Buds blinked again, and barely dodged the horizontal slash towards him. The big man was fast… his weapon was very sharp as it cut his shirt a bit when he flipped back, and landed on his back.

"Berserker! Finish him!" the girl ordered.

The monster raised its weapon, on top of Buds' fallen form. His legs were stuck in the chains of the swing when he flipped, and couldn't escape. He cursed. His eyes formed tears. Was this how he was going to end his trip here? Being killed by two individuals because of some grail?

He could feel his heart beat. His mind was screaming… He wished somebody… anybody… "Help me…" he whispered.

The large man the girl called Berserker chopped the ground with enough force to send shockwaves around the playground. When the dust cleared, the girl saw that her Servant didn't hit anything except the ground which cracked at the force of the blow.

"Hmph," she huffed. "Let's go, Berserker!"

The giant nodded, and walked away with the girl.

* * *

Buds opened his eyes, and found himself on the ground of his apartment. In front of him was his Servant, who smiled at him.

"You… you saved me?" Buds asked, touched for a moment.

"I didn't want to," she muttered before her smile turned cold. "But… Command Spells… what can I do about it?"

"… No…" Buds looked at her blankly. "I… didn't! I couldn't have used a command spell…"

"You commanded me to help you," Caster approached the SI, her eyes now planning murder. "You held well, for someone who isn't a magician. I guess I should commend you for that."

"Look… spare me," Buds begged. "I can help you get your Holy Grail… I'd… I'd be your servant! I'll do anything you ask!"

Caster looked at him for a moment, and her hand glowed. From thin air appeared a rather crude vice which doesn't look like to be used on his head or neck. It looked like it was going to be used on his…

Buds blanched. Caster's evil gleam seemed to enjoy that expression. He sighed. "You know what? Death is fine too…" he muttered.

"With pleasure then…" Caster stated.

There ends Buds' trip to that AMH world. He was stabbed seven times. He lost himself to the pain in the third stab, and was brain dead by the fifth. The seventh stab was towards his chest, and Caster had extracted his still beating heart with a satisfied expression.

In the X-Zone, Buds slept for a day uneasily, still having nightmares about Caster. By the third day, he stopped shaking, and by the fourth, he was talking. Reiko who watched him for the past few days looked a bit apologetic. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to have set him up with Caster.

Even if it was rather funny to watch.

"Reiko?" Buds called.

"Yeah?" she replied.

"Let's go…"

"Roger," Reiko nodded, and began to glow.

Buds learned a lesson. Women are dangerous… and his already misogynistic view had increased by two-fold.

**To Be Continued…. Maybe. **


	2. Chapter 2

The AMH world holds many dangers to SIs... after all they are nothing more than regular human beings. They cannot survive being malleted to the stratosphere, or can be easily be done in by a well placed 'Naru-Punch' or a ki slice that can cut through rocks. They can't do ki attacks, or have martial arts skills that can make other people explode, or allow them to stay in the air longer than what gravity allows.

In short, SIs can't do shit like an average anime dude.

What SIs have though are their protocols. Being authors, they are able to recreate themselves into anything with just their imagination, and unknowingly, create an upset in the balance of the Universe they live in. Sometimes, they unwittingly destroy the world they reside in.

After a few hundred Universes suffered from these erring SIs, the rest of the AMH world would spend their time secretly studying them. Some developed measures to be able to detect, and imprison these SIs. A lot just kill them.

Most of these anime/manga characters that take care of SIs are usually gung-ho about hunting and exterminating them. Some are usually powerful, with almost god-like powers themselves. There are others though who are relatively weak; they tend to be overlooked. Nevertheless, they all have one aim… to destroy or capture SIs.

They are aptly named as SIK by SIs who had faced and survived them. The Self Insert Killers.

Buds was unlucky. Well, he should have expected it. He was run over by a Vespa, almost cut in half by a giant monster who was being ordered by a little girl, and finally stabbed seven times by that Caster chick, who was supposed to be his Servant. So when he finally arrived in his new AMH world and relatively found some peace, he should have known it wouldn't last.

"You are an SI," a girl with short blue hair said in an even and neutral voice. Her yellow eyes were sharp as she stared at him directly. "You will not escape."

Buds found himself surrounded by four burning walls. Beside him was Reiko's who looked at him desperately as green neon-colored bonds were slowly tightening around her body.

"She's hacking in your protocols fast!" Reiko declared as she tried to struggle for a release. "Get out of here! If she successfully hacks and turns them off, when you die… you'll really die!"

"I know that…" Buds said through gritted teeth.

So far, his Final Protocol was still intact. He might escape the enclosed space that the girl placed him in… but since she was steadily hacking his protocols already, if he failed, he'd be done for. Literally. Good-bye, adventure… good-bye Buds. And he wasn't ready to retire yet… this was just his third world! He can't die! Not yet, anyway.

Buds was unlucky… really unlucky. In front of him was an SIK by the name of Yuki Nagato.

* * *

**Self Insert Appreciation Documentary: Chapter 2**

_(Man… Buds, you're fucked…)_

* * *

Let's take it back the day where Buds first arrived in this AMH universe, a few days after he was stabbed to death by Caster. It was rather eventful, if I must say so myself, all thanks to Reiko most probably. How best to describe it?

"HELP!!" a young teenage girl screamed as a gang of boys surrounded her.

Ah… yes. Damsel in distress. A very good ice-breaker in the fiction world.

"Don't scream, girly," one of the guys stated, probably the leader, with his tongue out. His pointed green hair made his pierced face even more gruesome. "We just want some money…"

"I don't have any money!" the girl replied.

"Well, that's not good, is it guys?" the second gang member said. "Don't tell me we wasted our looks, and good time threatening you when you don't have any money to pay us!"

"What do we do?" the third gang member asked.

"Well, we could have a little consolation," the (probably) leader declared. "What do you think we can take of her worth at least some monetary value?"

"How about her panties?" the second member asked. He was immediately whacked behind the head by the leader.

"Idiot, we're doing a hold-up here, not a rape!" the (probably) leader declared. "Be professional, would you?"

"But boss," the second one muttered before he was silenced by another whack from the third member. "Oi! Whatcha hit me for!?"

"Don't argue with the boss!" the third member declared.

Well… there we have. The one who spoke first was definitely the leader. And they are… professionals. Well, either that, or just really dense. Or gay. Pick one.

"Looky here! That's a mighty fine necklace you have," the leader declared touching a golden chain around the teen's neck. His hand was slapped away.

"Get your dirty hands off that!" the girl declared. "My grandmother gave me that! I won't allow you… you hooligans to take it!" She slapped the young man's face, like some sort of exclamation point to her declaration.

The leader stumbled a bit, not really expecting an attack on his beautiful (well, he thinks it is) face. "You little bitch!" he muttered. "Grab her! We'll just grab everything she has!"

"No! Keep away!" the teen backed away from the approaching group when suddenly, a bright ball of light appeared in between them.

It started out as a small pin prick, and suddenly expanded to a rather large sphere so bright it blinded the two parties. After a few seconds, the light faded, revealing the SIs arrival, who took his traditional 'deep breathe to the new AMH world' before opening his eyes, and finding three guys in front of him, staring.

He blinked.

"Uh… Reiko…" he whispered towards his left, where his familiar was floating in the air, once again, unseen by anyone except Buds himself.

"What?" she asked, her voice only heard by the SI.

"You put me in a place where there are people…" he replied.

"So?" Reiko asked, grinning.

"Ah, fuck, screw you," Buds muttered before he looked towards the gang members. He gave them a smile. "Hi! You might think I appeared out of thin air, but I didn't! What you saw was a naturally occurring phenomenon, where bright lights converge in a single point of space, temporarily creating a blinding light. Its very rare, of course, not even considered a theory of light physics. I used that phenomenon to sneak in from… uh, somewhere, and there you have it! What you just saw was normal."

There was a brief pause before one of the gang members stuttered… "A… alien!"

And like a row of dominos, that word caused a chain reaction. The other guys started to mumble the same thing, except the volumes of their voice raised in every word.

"Alien!"

"ALIEN!"

"ALIEN!!!!"

"HE EVEN TALKS TO HIMSELF!"

"No, no, no!" Buds raised his hands to his chest. "I'm not an alien… I'm not…"

The three members ran. Buds could only stare at the clouds of dust they created with a rather annoyed expression.

"Never mind," he muttered. He looked towards his familiar. "Don't do that anymore, alright? Next time, it won't be a bunch of kids with spiky hair… could have been a trigger happy… huh…"

Buds watched as his familiar was pointing something towards her right, behind him.

"… what are you pointing…" he turned around… "… at…? Oh… hi…"

Behind Buds was a damsel in distress… well, not anymore, anyway. She was staring at him with her big brown eyes. The SI was reminded of that cat voiced by that Spanish dude… he couldn't recall the name.

Looking at the teen, she was fairly attractive. She had short brown hair, cut just above her shoulders. She wore a headband, keeping her hair in place, and wore an apron over her high school dress. She also wore very bright orange rubber shoes.

There was another pregnant pause. Then she exploded right on his face.

"YOU'RE AN ALIEN!? YOU'RE AN ALIEN!? AWESOME!!!!" she shouted. Buds heard his ears ringing. "SO WHAT PLANET YA FROM!? SATURN? MARS? URANUS? PLUTO… oh wait… Pluto isn't a planet anymore, is it?"

"Uh… I think so…" Buds replied dumbly.

"Cool… So, what kind of technology do you hold!? You telekinetic? Pyrokinetic? Who were you talking to? Another alien? Is he invisible? Do you do anal probes!?"

"NO!" Buds declared at once. "I mean… no, I'm not an alien…"

"AWESOME!!! Come here! I'm gonna show you to my mom!" she declared, grabbing his hand, and with freakish strength, dragged him along with her.

"No, wait… listen!" Buds complained, before he finally gave in. "Oh, fine… whatever."

* * *

Buds found himself in the eye of a cold blooded… mother. She looked at him like he was some sort of ant in front of her path. Her lips were as narrow as a toothpick, her eyebrows scrunched together, and her form seemingly ready for a rumble.

The woman's eyes were like her daughters… brown, but sharper. Her hair was slightly longer, but tied in a bun held in place by two chopsticks. She was also fuller, and quite attractive in Buds' opinion, but unlike her daughter, she wore very loose clothing under her apron, seemingly trying to hide her full figure.

"An alien, huh?" she asked, giving the SI a large bowl of ramen, her mouth chewing on a toothpick.

"Uh-huh!" the teen replied. "He rescued me from a bunch of thugs! He came from this enormous wormhole made of pure light, and scared those guys away!"

"Hmmm… that's nice of Mr. Alien, eh?" she asked, staring at Buds. After a moment, she looked back towards her daughter, and smiled sweetly. "Yumi… you have school tomorrow, right? Why don't you go and prepare. It's late."

"Sure mom!" she answered at once. She took one last glance at the young man, and gave him a smile of her own before going through a door, which Buds guessed leads to upstairs, where the family resided.

The SI was brought to the teen girl's home, which also doubled as a family business… a restaurant. Behind the counter was the woman, who had prepared Buds a bowl of ramen.

He thought the woman didn't like him. But the moment her daughter left, he knew at once it was more than that. She seemed to hate him. Her glare intensified, the air changed suddenly, giving Buds the cold sweat. He felt safer staring down at his bowl of ramen.

"So… this is how you men trick a young woman, eh?" she asked, walking in towards the left.

Buds wondered what that was about. Tricking? He assumed it would be best to ignore her. After all, she seemed rather protective of her daughter, albeit extremely suspicious. Besides, the ramen in front of him not only looked amazing, it was one of the most delicious things he ate for quite a while. It wasn't until he saw a glint of a blade coming down near him did he look up.

He almost jumped out of his seat when the knife thudded and stabbed the thick chopping board in front of him. He did spill a bit of the broth though, and felt his heart skip a beat. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to ignore her… so from that point on, he made a show that he did hear her.

"And I thought you men couldn't get any lower," she stared at him as she grabbed her knife and began to chop some crabsticks and tuna meat. Her skill showed, doing fine cuts without even looking at the blade. Her eyes were solely on the SI.

"E… excuse me?" Buds had to ask. He was getting very confused by her declarations.

"I don't know how you did it, you little prick, but I am not my daughter," she grabbed some rice and flattened seaweed without breaking eye contact. "You may have fooled her, but you won't fool me."

"Um… if it's about the alien bit… I'm not an alien," Buds stated.

"Of course you're not," she declared, and placed some sushi and sashimi beside the bowl of ramen Buds was eating. "I'm not gullible to believe you are."

He didn't know what else to say. He continued eating his ramen for a bit, taking a few bites out of the sashimi and sushi the woman had prepared. He found them very tasty as well, but he couldn't really enjoy the food. He was getting uncomfortable around her presence.

After a few moments, someone entered.

"Oi, Setsuko, you're still open?" a female voice called.

The woman smiled warmly all of the sudden. "Hey, Miho!"

Buds watched detachedly as woman behind the counter, Setsuko, removed her apron and went towards the other woman, Miho, who had just arrived. They hugged, and shared a rather intimate kiss. He turned back to his food without much thought, and continued eating.

"How was your day?" Miho asked.

"Same old," Setsuko replied. "Remember that man I told you about two days ago? He returned… and he still didn't get the message."

"Ah, ignore them," Miho laughed. "Take it as a compliment! It shows how pretty you are."

"Pretty to you, yes," Setsuko replied. "Pretty to the pigs? Ha! It doesn't take much to do that. It's like teaching a dog to wag its tail."

"You're really mean, you know that?" Miho stated, though probably with a smile. Buds could imagine one on her face, judging by the tone of her voice… of course, he could have just been mistaken. He wasn't a profiler, or an expert… but even if he wasn't, he knew what was wrong with Setsuko.

She's a male-hating woman who prefers the gender the same as hers.

Buds shrugged, now feeling a bit better. He had thought the woman had read him wrong or something, and it made him uncomfortable because he didn't exactly find a fault in his actions so far… but if she did hate men, then he can put a reason of her actions, and assure himself he had done nothing wrong.

Absolutely nothing.

"Take this guy for example," Setsuko suddenly declared.

Buds blinked for a moment. He had a feeling that the woman was pointing her finger at him.

"Setsuko, come on, its one thing bad mouthing people when they aren't around…"

"No, no, this is good," Setsuko cut her friend (lover?) off. "Talking about people when they aren't here to hear it is rather rude. I'm actually being courteous to him. My daughter brought him home."

"Oooh, boyfriend?" Miho asked, a bit excited.

"No, she says he's an alien," Setsuko replied. "Would you believe that?"

"Alien?" Miho laughed. "That's absurd."

"Oh yeah, absolutely," Setsuko faked her laugh. "Alien that saves her from a gang of boys. What does that tell you?"

"You're daughter has a wild imagination?" Miho asked.

"No…" Setsuko paused. "It means this boy here was expecting some sort of reward from my little girl for 'saving' her."

The word 'saving' was said sarcastically. Even a fool would have noticed that… okay, maybe not.

"Men these days, really," Setsuko clicked her tongue. "They'd do anything to sleep with girls… Isn't that right, Mr. Alien?"

Buds did what any kind of decent man would do. He stood up… and gave her hell. Well, in his dreams. He just ignored her.

"Rescuing a young teen, expecting her to jump herself at you?" Setsuko continued. "Bet you didn't expect her mother wouldn't be so easily fooled, eh? Well, I wouldn't expect anything less from you men. I always said they were born stupid. I guess Mr. Alien was born dumb too."

Buds stood up, and turned around. His chopsticks were cut in half, and his food lay there, unfinished. He didn't feel hungry anymore. Well… now he stands up for himself.

"Funny… you talk, but you might as well be dumb yourself, and I wouldn't have noticed, you stupid dyke," Buds suddenly muttered, his tone low, and eyes staring back defiantly at Setsuko's.

"Oh, he bares fangs," Setsuko smirked at him. "Sticks and stones, little man."

"Sticks have better figures than you, and unlike stones… they aren't hollow inside," Buds countered. "I would have thank you for your hospitability, but it would only be a waste of hot air… you're food is amazing but you're personality sucks."

"So?" Setsuko asked, her smirk gone. Her lips formed a thin line once more.

"So, nothing. Thank you for the food, have a pleasant evening… and I hope you go to hell," Buds forced a friendly smile. He looked towards Setsuko's companion, and bowed a bit. "No offense about the lesbian quip…"

Setsuko and Miho watched as the SI leave. The latter gave a sigh.

"Wow… I actually felt static that time," she declared.

"Heh, nothing but bark," Setsuko huffed. "I'm closing… we can spend time alone."

Miho smiled. "Sure!"

* * *

"Wow… like… wow," Reiko smiled as she floated in front of Buds. "Even I was never able to rile you up like that!"

"Shut up," Buds muttered darkly. "Stupid woman… I hope to God she was the only one like that… the world would never survive two of them."

"I'm jealous," Reiko declared. "No matter how bad I treated you so far, you wouldn't bite back at me like that!"

"You want me to?" Buds asked, looking at her.

"Well… it would be nice to know that my tortures actually do affect you," she smirked.

"Your 'tortures' are nothing more than annoyances," Buds replied.

"Then I have to step up my game then," Reiko smiled.

"You don't have to," Buds muttered. "What happened there was a one time thing. You placed me somewhere in public, and that riled me up. I was dragged away by a teenage girl who thinks I'm an alien, and I got riled up again because she wasn't even listening to me. And the clincher was meeting her mother who saw me like I was a piece of shit, and started insulting me in my face…"

"Back," Reiko corrected.

"Whatever. Point is, what you saw was something I'd prolly not do again," he stated. He paused for a moment, and added, "I don't want to do it again."

"Why not?"

"Because…" Buds went silent after that.

He walked aimlessly across the street, Reiko floating beside him, silent. She let him walk it off for a moment, and for a few minutes, they never spoke a word to each other. It wasn't until he had sat down in a park bench did she break silence.

"So… what now?" Reiko asked.

"What we do everyday," Buds replied.

"Take over the world?" Reiko smirked.

"No, no. Find a job, and find a place to stay. And eat…" Buds patted his stomach. "I guess it's eat first then find a job. Is my 'Starter' Protocol still on, right… so I got a few Yen on me right?"

Starter Protocol… it's one of the three active protocols that Buds uses every time he visits an AMH world. The Starter Protocol is a baseline in which Buds created to begin his adventure on a world, and it gives the SI a small amount of starting money which is probably good for one meal, a small one at that. Sometimes, to Reiko's discretion, it gives him more… like an apartment where he had met Caster in the last world, or etcetera.

Of course, she could just be sad, turn it off, and make her own decisions in how Buds would start. Luckily for him, she wasn't sad today.

"Yes, and why do you want to eat?" Reiko asked. "Didn't you just eat earlier?"

"I… wasn't filled," Buds replied slowly. "I ate a few noodles, and one sashimi and one sushi." He scratched his head after he said that. "… Shit. I should have finished my food before I took a walk! Fuck!"

"Too late to waltz back in and ask for the food she gave you," Reiko grinned. "She probably threw it away. Even if she didn't, I wouldn't hesitate to kick your ass if you come back after calling me a dyke, or tell me a stick has a better figure than me…"

"Alright, alright, I get it," Buds muttered.

"Didn't you also say she should go to hell? What else?"

Buds rolled his eyes.

"I get it, okay?" he sighed. "Besides… I wouldn't be caught dead walking back to her. The family's a loon. Daughter believes in aliens… mother's believes men are scum."

"Technically, you are an alien… and in my opinion, you are scum," Reiko grinned.

"Har, har," Buds mocked laughter. "Well, you're a bitch."

"Oooh, now we're getting somewhere!" Reiko looked satisfied. "Come on! Call me more names!"

"Shut up," he muttered. "Let's go… I'm hungry. I can find a job tomorrow."

* * *

Buds didn't know what, but for some reason, he found himself in front of a restaurant-bar. Maybe it was because he heard drums and strings being played… who knew… only him. He entered, and looked around for a moment before he was greeted by a middle-aged waiter.

"Good evening, sir," he greeted. "The bar will be open in an hour."

"Oh… so, you're not open yet?" Buds asked.

"We are…" the waiter replied, and smiled. "Just that the bar is not yet open."

"So… how about food?" Buds asked.

"I'll get you a table, sir," the waiter smiled.

It took only a moment. The chairs were flipped over the tables, probably because the floors were being cleaned, and Buds noticed that the whole place was empty, except for the waiter that is serving him, a house band playing on stage, and a bartender, seemingly wiping a few mugs.

"Hope you don't mind the noise," the waiter said. "People don't come here at this hour… That's when the house band comes in to practice."

He pointed towards the stage.

"Stop, stop, stop! Can you actually count!? You're being a second note slower! AGAIN!"

Buds smiled a moment, amused as a guitarist on stage berated the drummer. "Kinda strict, isn't he?"

"He should be," the waiter replied. "The owner of this establishment, Mr. Jones, was a very serious musician. A perfectionist, some would say. Raised his son to be like him."

The waiter pointed towards the man who was now giving advices towards the bassist after he was done preaching towards the drummer.

"The guitarist?" Buds asked, looking towards the man as he began to play again. "Wow."

"Oh yes… and if you get a chance to hear him play, you'll be more impressed," the waiter stated. "And like his father, he tends to be a perfectionist when it comes to music."

"I'm guessing he is the band leader, eh?" Buds asked.

"Yes. Anyway… your order, sir?" the waiter asked.

"Nothing fancy, just some ramen, probably," Buds muttered.

"Coming right up."

Buds watched the house band practice as he waited for his food, and realized that the guitarist had a really good reason to berate the drummer. The latter miscounted five times in three different songs… his rolls were very slow and weak, and couldn't keep doing eight-notes on fast songs.

The drummer was worse than him on a bad day… well, maybe not, but Buds hoped to God that he wasn't that bad. He really hoped.

The vocalist was also rather weak… his voice shook in long stanzas, but it was rather decent. The SI guessed, with just some practice, the singer would give a better showing than now.

The last two members weren't off. The bassist was great in Buds' opinion, able to create a rhythm like a second guitarist, and gave some well placed solos. The guitarist, the son of the owner according to the waiter, was amazing. He had fun listening to the two as the band practiced as he ate.

"Sir, you're bill…" the waiter stated after Buds was done, giving him a piece of paper. He looked at it for a moment, then went for his wallet… and frowned.

"Oh…" Buds groaned. He was short by 500 Yen. "Man… this sucks." He looked towards the waiter. "I'm… a bit short."

The waiter looked at him, and the money. He looked at the bill for a moment, before nodding. "Hmmm…"

"I'll work for that," Buds stated. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't see how much what I was ordering before I took it."

"Haha, don't worry," the waiter smiled at him. "It's on me for today."

"You don't have to…"

"Like I said, don't worry about it…" the waiter nodded.

"I can work for it… I'm actually looking for a job," Buds declared.

"You won't find any here," the waiter said with a small smile. "Mr. Jones isn't in a hiring mood."

Buds frowned. "Alright… but if you do this, I'm gonna owe you one."

"Whatever makes you happy…" the waiter replied.

Buds didn't know what else to say. He stood up from the table, and thanked the waiter again before he left the restaurant-bar. The waiter was still smiling as he watched the SI leave, and gave the bill towards the bartender, who placed it in the register, along with the pay.

"Mr. Jones, the money is short by…" the bartender stated towards the waiter.

"Do not worry about it," the waiter cut off the bartender, his smile still present.

* * *

The moon shone… and faded as the sun outshined it in the very next morning. Buds could only groan as he felt the hard wood of the bench stiffen his body.

There was no other place to go. He already owed a dude 500 yen from yesterday, and had no money to sleep in a motel, so he returned back to the park, and slept on the bench. It wasn't too cold at night, so he had slept with relative comfort… but he groaned when he turned his neck.

He forced himself up, not wanting to get attention of cops or early wakers who might come out and jog in the park. He was going to have a busy day anyway… he had to find some work, eat, and when he's ready, he might explore the world in which he was currently staying in. So far, there was no funny business going on yet to identify the world. No monsters, martial artists… GUNDAMs… whatever, nothing yet to make him know what AMH world he landed on.

Of course he could ask Reiko… but… he rather not.

"Oi, look out!" Reiko declared. Buds' thoughts derailed as he felt bumping into a person.

"Oh, man, I'm sorry…" he began to apologize towards the person, when he realized who it was. "Oh… no… not today…"

"Mr. Alien!" Yumi (that's what her mother called her…) declared, bringing her arms around him. "Where have you been!? I fixed my stuff last night, and was about to talk to you more when mom said you left! You're mean!"

"I'm mean?" Buds asked, a bit disbelieved.

"You didn't say goodbye!" Yumi reasoned.

"Oh… I'm sorry, I guess," Buds shrugged. "You're on your way to school?"

"Yeah! Wanna come!? I'll introduce you to my friends! I'll tell 'em about you saving me and everything!" Yumi grabbed Buds' hand and like yesterday, was about to drag him off but this time, the SI stood his ground.

"Not today… I gotta go find work," Buds stated. "You go on and have fun, alright?"

"Work? You need work? I know a place!" Yumi declared, and walked the other way, her hands still clasped on his.

"No, I don't need…" Buds stumbled suddenly when her pull became stronger. He tried to pull back, stop her, but for some reason, she was dragging him behind her rather easily.

"Don't worry Mr. Alien! It's very close by!" Yumi stated as she continued to drag the SI, who by this time, deemed it useless to resist. Besides… he might actually get a job without even looking.

After a moment, Buds stared towards the place where Yumi had dragged him to. He blinked.

"This is…"

"Yup!" Yumi stated. "Hey mom! Come out!"

"Yumi, aren't you supposed to go to…" she stopped when she saw Buds. She smirked a bit, and crossed her arms. "Well, well… if it isn't Mr. Alien."

"Yup! Mom, you need a helper right? Mr. Alien needs work! And I'm going! Bye mom!" Yumi dashed away, leaving the SI and the woman to stare at each other.

Reiko could only watch silently as Buds and Setsuko looked at each other silently. She wondered briefly about putting taglines here… the Irresistible Force versus the Immovable Object… but then scrapped that idea. While the Setsuko woman was definitely the former… Buds was opposite of the latter. If it came to a collision, the SI would bow out first.

"Heh… need a job, Mr. Alien?" Setsuko asked.

"None of your business…" Buds replied evenly. "I wouldn't work for you even if you had the only job opening in the world."

Big words… and to Buds' credit, he did mean it at that time. He left almost at once and searched for a job, preferably far away from the woman.

In six hours time, he was in front of Setsuko, on his knees, and his head touching the ground. He had found no job openings anywhere, and was getting hungry. With no other choice, he asked, no, begged her for the job. Reiko was placed in one heck of a laughing fit… especially since Setsuko took the opportunity to hack his pride down to pieces.

"You want to work for me? Didn't you say earlier you wouldn't work for me even if I had the only job offering on Earth?" she asked, smirking.

"I lied…"

"Oh… lied. How about me being dumb?"

"I…"

"Or sticks having a better figure than me?" she asked, clearly enjoying the situation.

"Uh… look… I didn't mean…"

"Accuse me of being hollow?" if she could see Reiko now, Setsuko would have seen the SI's familiar choking on air.

"I'm sorry about those…" Buds mumbled.

"Calling me a dyke?" she raised her eyebrow.

"Well… it is true…" the SI whispered. "Look… I'm absolutely sorry for bad mouthing you yesterday in front of your friend."

"Hah… now you're sorry. Yes… that's how good you men are, aren't you?" she asked, laughing a bit. Buds didn't say anything, his head was still down. He only looked up when she asked him, "Do you know how to make Ramen?"

He shook his head.

"Sushi?"

He shook his head again.

"Heh… maybe you shouldn't have prostrated in front of me… What kind of chef would hire someone like you?" Setsuko asked. She turned around, and walked away from the kneeling SI, who looked thoroughly beaten.

Buds sighed. For a moment he kneeled there, not really knowing what to do. He had no job, no other options… well, he could go look for other jobs, farther away… then shook his head.

"Well… are you getting an apron or what?" Setsuko suddenly asked, staring at him behind the counter, her hand pointing towards a rack.

"Huh…?" Buds asked, confused.

"Get a damn apron already," Setsuko growled. "If I repeat myself again to you, I'll beat the crap out of you, then fire you."

Buds looked at her for a moment… a small relieved, also a bit disbelieved smile went to his face. He nodded. "Yes ma'am…"

"Call me boss," she muttered.

"No way…" Buds was cut off when a big knife came down the chopping board. He swallowed. "Yes boss!"

**To Be Continued… maybe. :P **


	3. Chapter 3

--------------------- 

**SIA Documentary**

**Chapter 3**

---------------------

"This ramen looks like crap," Setsuko announced as she looked towards the bowl that Buds had  
just given her.

The SI could only sigh.

After tasting it, Setsuko looked towards Buds again, and gave him a frown. "It tastes like crap too."

"Oh, mom, you're being mean," Yumi stated, taking a bite of her own bowl. "It tastes better than  
yesterday's."

"Yes, and if you recall, I said yesterday's ramen tasted like garbage," Setsuko stated evenly.

"But you have to admit… Mr. Alien is improving," Yumi gave a nod and smile towards Buds who gave  
her a thankful expression.

"I never denied that," Setsuko continued to eat the ramen. "His first tasted like complete shit…"

Buds twitched, and felt like he was physically assaulted.

"His second tasted like spoiled milk… and left in the sun to ferment."

The SI fell down.

"His third tasted like someone peed in it…"

"Boss… I get it," Buds muttered, helping himself up. "Please… enough. I suck at making ramen…"

"No, not yet," Setsuko ignored her new assistant's pain. "Your fourth tasted like you were trying to poison  
me…" she looked at him. "Were you, actually?"

"No!" Buds muttered with irate. It was bad enough that she accused him of that when she tasted that  
particular ramen, but brining it up again?

"And today's ramen is complete crap," Setsuko nodded, and just finished the noodles and some of the meat.  
"You added too much salt this time, and go easy on the spice. You should put vegetables in the end… or  
slightly boil them. And you added too much meat."

"Yes, boss," Buds muttered.

"Good boy," Setsuko muttered. "I'm done. Clean everything up. Any spot in the dishes or bowls, I'm gonna  
kick your ass."

With that, she left both Buds and Yumi alone in counter. The girl seemed to smile at the down SI.

"Cheer up," she stated. "She also says that your noodles are now better than ever, and your broth isn't so  
strong. Just have some control over your salt and spice mixing, and your meat as well."

"I wish she'd actually say that to me," Buds muttered as he went towards his own bowl which was now  
getting cold. "She'd at least give me one compliment."

"Mom doesn't work that way," Yumi put her tongue out. "She wasn't even nice to me when I was helping her  
at times. Besides… she's treating you nicely."

"Nicely?" Buds scoffed. "I don't want to know what 'badly' would be if she was actually treating me nicely."

"Remember that guy from yesterday?" Yumi asked.

Buds flinched, and had to admit, she had a point. The man yesterday was a somewhat new customer, and flirted  
dangerously towards Setsuko, who coolly ignored his come-ons and remained very professional, which the SI  
admired. But all hell broke loose when he actually tried to cop a feel…

Setsuko grabbed his offending fist and shoved hid head on his own ramen bowl. He must have broken a wrist  
(or pretended to, in Buds' opinion), and threatened to come back with the police, but everyone had backed up  
the woman, Buds included. But it wasn't that which Buds would remember… it was her words.

Like how the SI begged for a job, Setsuko started hacking on the man's pride. Called him a low-level salary man  
without any real pride for his company, an arrogant narcissist who only looks slightly better than a "complete shit-face",  
and couldn't handle a woman even if his life depended on it, and he must be a eunuch.

She definitely received anger from that one, and was very nasty, in Buds' opinion. Nodding at Yumi, the SI could  
only agree with what she said.

"Yes, I do…" Buds muttered. "Was that her being bad?"

"Not even close," Yumi smirked at him as he seemed to blanch.

"Remind me never to get on her bad side…" Buds muttered.

"You kinda are, you know," Yumi stated.

"Why?" Buds asked.

"Apparently… she just doesn't like aliens…" Yumi just grinned. "But that's okay, Mr. Alien! You're an okay guy  
in my book!"

"… Thanks… I think," Buds muttered before putting his and Setsuko's bowl in the sink, waiting for Yumi to finish hers.

The door suddenly slid open, and automatically, the two people left there looked at the newcomer and stated,  
"We're closed, come back…"

"Oh, Miho-san! Hello!" Yumi greeted.

"Hello, Yu-chan!" Miho greeted. She smiled towards the SI, and greeted him as well… "Buds-san… good evening."

"Evening," Buds muttered with a bow. "Have you eaten dinner?"

"Hmmm…" Miho looked at Yumi. "What has your mother got to say this time?"

"She said it tasted like crap," Yumi replied with a straight face, much to Buds chagrin.

"Ah… lucky I have eaten dinner eh?" Miho smiled at him. "Don't worry. You'll get there."

"I hope so," Buds muttered. "Why are you here, Miho-san?"

"It's a secret…" Miho winked at the boy, and went straight towards stairs leading up towards the rooms.

Yumi looked at Miho for a moment, before she suddenly groaned. Buds looked at her worriedly, thinking,  
probably illogically, that his ramen must have given her an upset stomach. He knew it wasn't the case when  
she didn't look anywhere on being sick, and moaned, "Oh no…"

"Oh no what?" Buds asked.

"Miho's sleeping with mom today," Yumi muttered.

"Reh-reh-really?" Reiko, who was sitting in one of the chairs located near the counter, stated with a slight tang.  
Her eyes suddenly darted towards Buds, who ignored her, while her hands formed a triangle underneath her chin.  
"Buds! Lucky man… you're gonna see a shoujo-ai scene at its finest!"

_Shut up, _Buds thought darkly.

"Really? Well… whatever…" he replied towards Yumi, pretending not to be even remotely interested. He grabbed  
a glass and filled it with water.

"No… Mr. Alien, you don't understand!!" Yumi muttered desperately.

"Understand what?" Buds asked as he drank.

"They are going to have… hmmm, how to say this… sexual intercourse…" Yumi replied in a straight face, making  
Buds choke on his water a bit. "You know what that is?"

"Of course I know what that is," Buds muttered.

"Ah… you're cool, Mr. Alien! Studying human anatomy and ways," Yumi gave him a nod.

"Whatever… I still don't get what's wrong with that," Buds muttered.

"My mom's a screamer!"

Reiko chocked back her laughter when Buds spit out the water towards the sink. Wiping the water off his lips with  
the sleeve of his uniform, Buds still pretended to look remotely uninterested.

"So?"

"So! Mr. Alien… let me sleep with you tonight!" Yumi suddenly stated.

Buds could only blink, and hear Reiko's laughter getting even louder. He took a deep breathe… and sighed. If he  
had a smoke, he would have taken a puff. Then, fixing his gaze on her, he told her in a simple, clear, even, and final way…

"No."

---------------------

"Why the hell can't I be taken seriously?" Buds asked to himself when he opened the door of his room to let  
Yumi in. She brought in her futon, and had a big smile on her face as she spread it on the floor, right next to Buds'.

One of the quirks of working with Setsuko was while she paid him money for work, she also provided food  
(which he would have to cook as part of his training) and shelter. The shelter was the residence guest room, which  
the family has been using as an attic for some years.

The first night Buds had to do when showed the room was to clear the mess that was done. It seemed they just  
threw whatever in the room, and never bothered to clean it up… so he spent a good hour or so to make it sleep-able  
for him. Naturally, it was still a mess after he went through with it, but Yumi didn't seem to mind as she went to her  
futon, and put a blanket over her.

"Thanks for letting me here, Mr. Alien," Yumi smiled as she made herself comfortable.

"Yeah, whatever," Buds muttered before going to his futon, and slowly moved it away from where Yumi was  
positioned, and slowly stripped away his pants, leaving his boxers. He slid on his futon, and closed his eyes.

After a few moments, he heard some scuffle and moving feet. Opening his eyes, Buds watched with surprise as  
Yumi suddenly approached him, brining her futon along.

"And… what in the world are you doing?" Buds asked in a low tone.

"Why are you sleeping away, Mr. Alien?" she asked.

_Why? Because if your mom pops in my room, and finds you near me, she's gonna kill me!_ was Buds' train  
of thought, and probably what he was going to say, but he knew it was going to be moot point. The teen, while  
very smart on her own right, was also very stupid on her own right. Stupid or naïve… Buds never knew which. So,  
he just answered in a way that might make her listen.

He answered like an alien.

"I'm not comfortable sleeping next to… people," Buds lied.

"Oh, no worries, I'm not a bad person!" Yumi replied cheerfully as she slid her futon next to his. "And I'm a  
quiet sleeper! Promise!"

"Believe it?" Buds asked, not really knowing why he even asked. Naruto's dubbed voice already sounded  
stupid saying it… more so for the SI.

"Yup! Believe it!" Yumi muttered.

Buds was down and corrected… Yumi sounded more stupid than him or Naruto saying it.

"Aren't you afraid I may try to do something to you?" Buds asked, looking at her.

"Like what?" Yumi asked, curious.

"Like forcing myself on you," Buds replied, though not really thinking it. While Yumi was adorable and pretty in her  
own right, he'd rather keep his job. His job got him money, food, and shelter. And he liked food more than anything  
really. Shelter and money was a bonus.

"Why would you want to have sex with someone of a different species?" Yumi asked, curious.

"Never mind," Buds muttered. "Go and sleep."

After a few moments of silence, Yumi once again broke the silence.

"Mr. Alien?" she asked.

Buds could only sigh. "Yes, Yumi-san?"

"Would you be my father?" she asked.

At that moment in time, the most illogical thing can happen to this world around Buds, but he'd still pay no mind as  
much as Yumi's question did. Actual aliens may invade, heck, time travelers could appear… well, add an esper along  
with the ride, but still… it would not give much red lights to Buds' head as what Yumi just asked him.

"What!?"

"Would you be my father?" Yumi asked again.

"No! Are you out of your mind?" Buds asked. Was this girl going to set him up and that woman together? He wouldn't  
live long enough to even enjoy the thought!

"Brother then!" Yumi stated. Her smile was now getting creepy on the SI's opinion.

"Why?" Buds asked.

"Because it would be cool!" Yumi replied. "It would be cool to have a brother or a father, just like everyone else."

"Even for an alien?" Buds asked. He seemed to be in an asking mood tonight.

"Yup, 'cause you're a good guy, Mr. Alien," Yumi muttered before she shifted.

"How would you know? For all you know, I'm as bad as any other bad men," Buds muttered.

She yawned. "Because… I like you…" she replied sleepily.

"You don't even know me," Buds stated softly.

She didn't reply as it seemed slumber overtook her. Buds stared at her for a few moments, before he sighed, and  
covered himself with a blanket.

After a few moments, he sat up, and threw out his blanket away from his body. He stood up, and began to put his  
pants back up again. Silently, he walked towards his wallet, and put that on his back pocket. He also grabbed a jacket.

"What's wrong, Buds?" Reiko asked, floating invisibly beside him. "Can't sleep with a nice healthy young girl beside you?"

"Can't sleep, yes," Buds muttered as he silently took a few steps out of his room. Reiko was surprised at the honesty  
of the answer that got her to shut up for a moment, and followed him as he slid the door, gently shutting it, moved down  
the stairs, and went towards the backdoor, grabbing the keys so he wouldn't be locked out in case Setsuko was going  
to be smart (or bitchy in Buds' opinion) about him going out.

The night air felt nice and cold to him as he locked the door. The SI shivered, and rubbed his arms a bit before he began  
his walk. Right beside him was Reiko, who seemed to wonder where he was going.

"Hey, Buds… whatcha up to?" she asked.

He didn't answer… and she knew he probably wouldn't. So, for that time, she left him alone.

---------------------

Buds found himself back to that bar-restaurant he had gone to on his first night, and it was noisy. Much to his enjoyment,  
the house band was playing at full force and everyone was at it.

The place strangely didn't smell like smoke, though obviously, there were a lot of them lighting up a cig; must have  
been good ventilation. The SI bobbed his head a bit with the beat.

"Hey, long time no see."

Buds turned around, and saw the waiter who served him before smiling at him. He smiled back.

"Hey! Yeah, long time," Buds replied. "How's everything?"

"Busy!" the waiter stated. The two were talking rather loudly over the noise.

"You aren't waiting on anybody?" Buds asked.

"No… when the bar opens, and the music plays, no one orders food anymore, but drinks," the waiter showed him  
towards the bar. "You look better than the last time you went here."

"Got a job," Buds replied. "Earning is low, but better than nothing."

"Drink?"

"Just a regular root beer," Buds stated. He got a mug, in which he thanked the waiter for.

The band started playing other music, and the drummer, while still being rather weak at rolls, was much better than  
the last time Buds saw him. The singer was now rolling with everyone, and the guitarist and bassist were still great.

"Like whatcha hearing?" the waiter asked.

"Yeah… everyone's doing okay!" Buds replied.

"Well, they should be. This might be one their last performance for some time," the waiter declared.

"Why?" Buds asked.

"The drummer's quitting."

"No way," the SI looked towards the drummer who seemed to be getting it on as well. "Why? He's good now!"

"Yup, and because of those improvements, he's gonna join a band with his friends," the waiter replied. "It seems he  
was training himself here… and he was taught well. Improved in the last few days, I must say."

"So… after tonight, it's a search for a new drummer now?" Buds asked.

"Apparently," the waiter looked towards the mug he gave him. "More root beer?"

"Yeah, I think I'll get another," Buds muttered.

When the waiter got him another one, he asked, "So… what brings you here?"

"Do I need a reason to be here?" the young man replied back to the waiter with a small smile.

"Just making conversation," the waiter smiled back.

"I have women troubles," Buds replied.

"What kind?" the waiter asked.

"One who readily sleeps beside me because I'm an alien, and its mother who hates men."

The waiter looked intrigued. "Do tell."

And that Buds did.

---------------------

"Wow… that got that off my chest quite nicely," Buds stated.

He had just left the bar after listening to five more songs, finishing his story-telling, and paid for the root-beer,  
while adding 500 yen to pay back for his last debt. That left him with a good 1000 yen left. Yeah… he needed a raise.

Buds stumbled a bit, feeling slightly sleepy. Reiko, beside him, seemed to hum from one of the music she played  
by the house band and was quite silent. "They should get a female singer for that song," she muttered.

"That cover song originally done by ENOZ? It was nice… if kinda upbeat," Buds replied.

"Not you're type?" Reiko asked.

"Well… it really depends. While the way the music sounded was very rock-ish, the lyrics made it very much like  
pop," Buds stated. "I don't hate it, but I don't really love it."

"I like it," Reiko stated.

"Cause you're a girl," Buds rolled his eyes. "ENOZ… where did I hear that name from?"

A fire truck rolled by, though not the big kind. The small one, followed along with a siren. It got the SI and his  
familiar's attention before it even came to them.

"I wonder where's the fire," Reiko looked thoughtful. "The way the siren sounds like now… it doesn't seem that far."

Reiko was right. The siren didn't get any more weaker.

"Hmmm… should we check?" Buds asked, curious.

---------------------

It seemed that it didn't matter if they checked it or not. What was on fire was Setsuko and Yumi's  
residence, much to Buds' complete shock. When he realized that was on fire, he rushed immediately,  
seeing the scene caused by Setsuko, who was being stopped by two firemen.

"MY DAUGHTER'S IN THERE!" she shouted, trying to force herself in.

"W… what the hell happened?" Buds asked as he approached Setsuko's lover, Miho who looked  
worriedly towards the residence and the woman.

"Setsuko just smelled smoke…" Miho stated with a little shiver in her voice. "We checked on Yuki's  
room, and she wasn't there. We thought she got out already… and we heard you going downstairs  
earlier and shutting the door so we knew you were gone."

"How the hell would you be able to hear me?" Buds asked. "No, never mind… So… you left Yumi in there!?"

"She wasn't on her room! We thought she already left!" Miho seemed to almost cry. "Set-chan wanted  
to go back in and find her… but the firemen stopped her. The blaze is too strong…"

There was a loud boom that shook the place. Buds' eyes widened as he watched a mushroom of flame  
sprout out of the front, shattering some of the windows.

"Gas explosion!" one of the firemen declared.

"YUMI!!!" Setsuko shouted.

Buds looked towards Reiko, who looked at the fire worriedly. "Reiko… my Final Protocol."

She snapped her gaze at him.

"Buds! What the hell are you saying!? You're gonna use that, are you!? You know the dangers you can  
do to this world!? I won't…"

"NOW!" Buds shouted, cutting her off.

She stood there… for a moment, studying him. She gave a heavy sigh.

"I hope you know what the hell you're doing, SI," she stated, and her body began to emit a glow.

Setsuko was still struggling with the firemen when she saw Buds suddenly rushed towards the flaming  
restaurant. He rammed his shoulders towards the sliding door, breaking through that and the metal mesh  
behind it that kept anyone out. The flame seemed to lick his clothes, and burned them, but Buds was never  
bothered anymore about that or the temperature.

As I stated before, SI's tend to be godly… able to do anything that they think they can do. To control the  
urge, Buds created five protocols, regulated by his Familiar, Reiko. His first, as you all know, is his Starter  
Protocol.

The second would be his Language Protocol, allowing him to speak the local language of the world he'd  
be sent to.

The third would be the Suspicion Protocol, making the locals around him less supiscious to the SI.

His fourth would be his Death and Rebirth Protocol... allowing him to be reborn in another AMH world  
in the event he dies.

His fifth, which he calls the Final Protocol is a desperation protocol… he gets boosted strength, speed,  
endurance and resistance. If needed, partial invincibility.

He promised to himself, and to Reiko, that his Final Protocol would not be used for his own benefit, nor  
would it be used often. As a protocol program, whenever he unleashes his Final Protocol, Buds is limited  
to his state for only 15 minutes. Afterwards, his Final Protocol would be useless for 100 hours.

The limit was set for two things… One, it would limit the damage he would do in the world's space-time-reality  
continuum… and two, to avoid detection by the SIK.

Supposedly.

Unfortunately, there are some SIK who know exactly when something in their reality has been changed.

---------------------

Buds ran towards the stairs. He had only fifteen minutes, and he'd rather just use five of them. The less he  
used it, the better. Jumping up the burning stairs, he ran towards his room, where he had left Yumi. Sliding  
the door open, he found her, sleeping peacefully, much to his annoyance.

"Good God, this girl's will get it one day," Buds complained as he carried her. She still didn't budge.  
Lowering her face so she wouldn't breathe in carbon monoxide, he ran fast towards the stairs. "Her home's  
on fire, and she's frigging sleeping! Like a rock!"

"Less complain, more running," Reiko stated, beside him. Whenever he's going to give his command, or  
when the timer's gone up, she's going to seal up his Final Protocol for 100 hours.

Buds jumped down the stairs, only to see a pillar coming down on him. He cursed, and covered Yumi as  
the burning log came crashing on his back, breaking into pieces. He stood up after a second.

"OUCH! That fucking burned like hell!" Buds complained.

"You're still alive, so move!" Reiko continued to command.

"The exit's there," Buds stated as he saw the hole he busted earlier. He approached it when he heard Reiko  
suddenly gasp behind him. He turned his head around… and his jaw widened.

Reiko was floating in the middle of the room, struggling as green neon-colored bindings were slowly tightening  
around her. He suddenly felt a ripple run across the wall, the floor, and the ceiling. Without another word, he  
threw Yumi right outside, just before a wall sealed the hole he made.

Everything changed, except the fire. The floor, ceiling and walls became one. Buds found himself surrounded  
by four walls without an exit. In him was Reiko, who was struggling like mad against the bindings, and a blue  
haired girl who stared at him with her yellow eyes.

"You're an SI," the girl muttered softly, yet evenly. "You will not escape."

Buds shuddered. Reiko had told him about this when he was making his protocols… the SI Killers. And from  
what he'd seen so far… she can warp reality around her in an enclosed space, which he was trapped from.

And he knew her.

He finally knew what AMH world he landed on. God, how stupid could he be? The ENOZ name was already a big clue!

"Oh shit…" he cursed.

"She's hacking in your protocols fast!" Reiko growled. "Buds, get out of here! If she successfully hacks your  
death and rebirth and kills you… you're going to die! For real!"

"I know!" Buds replied, desperately looking around. "But I can't leave you! She's gonna kill you once she gets in you!"

"Forget me!" Reiko muttered angrily. "I'm not gonna be called the Familiar that got my SI killed! Get out of HERE!"

"NO! I'm not gonna leave…"

Buds suddenly ducked as a wooden spear almost skewered him. He watched Yuki Nagato grabbed a wooden  
chair, and it instantly transformed to a spear.

"On second thought… I'm gone," Buds muttered as looked at the wall behind him, and was about to punch the  
wall, hoping to break through the enclosed space when suddenly, Nagato appeared right in front of him.

Muttering some gibberish words, her palm suddenly struck Buds. If anyone seen it, the way she struck him was  
like how someone would tap their finger gently towards a baby's stomach, but the SI flew meters away like he  
was struck by a truck. He slid on the fiery floor, and coughed.

"You will not escape," Nagato stated calmly, looking at him.

"What is she?" Buds asked, clutching his stomach.

"Reality warper… she uses protocols to create enclosed spaces to create her own reality!" Reiko struggled more  
against the binders.

"How do I beat her?"

"You can't! Just escape," Reiko growled. "Get out of HERE NOW!"

Buds nodded, and dashed towards the left wall, only to see Nagato blocking her way. He went to the right wall,  
and she was there again. After moments of going towards the wall, Buds hit himself in the head.

"Shit… why didn't I think of this?" he mumbled, and bent his legs, and jumped up high in the air, breaking the  
ceiling… only to appear on the floor where he just jumped. "WHAT!? OH COME ON!" he shouted.

"It seems your protocol enhancements are slowly at their limit…" Nagato stated. "I have closed your other protocols…  
I will soon exterminate you."

"Buds…" Reiko's voice was desperate as the bindings tightened around her.

The SI knew at that point in time, it was over. That Human Interface had trapped him in her territory, and he  
couldn't find a way to escape. His fifteen minutes were almost up, and when that was done, he'd be defenseless  
against her. He sighed.

"Reiko… close my Final Protocol…"

"… Buds!" she complained. "She closed your Death and Rebirth Protocol! You're really going to die!"

"It's over… I can't do anything," the SI looked around desperately abefore he gave a sigh. "Just… close it. It's over."

He felt the strength leave him as his protocol was closed by his Familiar… and along with the strength came the  
suffocation of being enclosed space with fire. The temperature was high, causing him to perspire and feel light headed.  
Buds went on his knees and coughed.

He watched as the darkness slowly came at him. He saw same darkness he did when that Caster chick began stabbing  
him… but… he didn't feel any pain. He coughed a bit more before he lost consciousness.

---------------------

"Mr. Alien! Mr. Alien!"

Buds slowly opened his eyes… and blinked when the sun shone hard on his sight. He moaned a bit before his eyes  
focused on the young girl looking at him.

"What the hell…" Buds mumbled.

"Mr. Alien! Mr. Alien!"

"Yumi-san… stop shaking me…" Buds complained. He was slapped. "OW!"

"Wake up," Setsuko's voice rang clearly on his head. "Wake up or I'll slap you again."

Buds sat up, and rubbed his eyes. "Where am I?"

"Hospital," Setsuko muttered. "You were brought here after the firemen were able to remove the derby that suddenly  
blocked the entrance you made when you threw my Yumi-chan out… They said you were able to push the lock down  
because it was already weakened by the fire."

"Oh?" Buds asked blankly. His head was still trying to shake off its cobwebs.

"The doctors said you weren't injured much," Setsuko stated. "Just fainted due to lack of oxygen. I'll call him now…  
so we can clear you."

"T… thanks…?" Buds stuttered as the woman abruptly left. Yumi giggled for a moment, and he looked at her,  
oddly. "What?"

"That is my mom being thankful," she replied. "You saved me, Mr. Alien… and she really appreciates it. Even me."

"You're welcome," Buds stated softly. "How long was I out?"

"You slept the night," Yumi took her tongue out in a silly manner. "So did I… I didn't even know what happened  
until my mom glomped me when I woke in the morning."

"You… actually slept through the fire?" Buds asked, incredulous.

"Yups!"

"Unbelievable…" Buds shook his head. He looked around for a moment, and briefly wondered what was  
missing. He couldn't remember much… except that girl, Yuki Nagato trapping him in her enclosed space. He  
tried to escape… failed… and he asked Reiko to close his Final Protocol, accepting his doom.

There was a knock on the door, and in came Setsuko along with a doctor, who smiled at seeing Buds awake.  
He started a conversation, stating that he would just check on him for a moment before he can clear him for release.  
Buds just nodded, and didn't reply as the doctor did his job.

He finally found out what, or who was missing.

Reiko was.

---------------------

"Well… isn't that good?" Setsuko smiled at the SI, something very rare. "In a rather fit shape. You're really lucky, squirt."

"No surprise! He's an alien," Yumi nodded.

Buds smiled a bit as he walked towards a park with the two companions he had in this AMH world. Setsuko  
had paid for his stay at the hospital, and treated him quite well for the past 20 minutes. He began to enjoy her  
company… something he thought would never happen.

"We have to move to temporary apartment," Setsuko muttered in a low tone. "Restaurant's gonna be  
closed indefenitly until the reconstruction is done."

"Can Mr. Alien join us?" Yumi asked.

"Of course he can," Setsuko slapped Buds' back rather hard, making him cough. "By the way, Yumi… where  
were you last night? Me and Miho-chan tried to find you in your room, but you weren't there."

"Oh… I was at Mr. Alien's room," Yumi replied easily.

"… really?"

"Yup! He showed me a good time," Yumi looked ahead and spotted an ice cream parlor. "Hey, mom, can  
we eat some ice cream?"

"Sure, hon, go ahead," Setsuko smiled at her.

Buds was still wondering where Reiko was to notice Setsuko suddenly grabbing him by the shoulders.  
For one awkward moment, he wondered if she was going to kiss him suddenly… but that flew away on  
his mind when she saw her cold blooded stare. The SI could only blink.

"Uh…"

"Did what she say was true?" Setsuko asked coldly.

"Huh… who… what…?" Buds was lost.

"Yumi said she slept in your room," Setsuko stated.

"Oh, that… yeah, it's true," Buds answered blankly. When her grip tightened… he knew he gave her  
a wrong answer. "B… but nothing happened! I swear!" he quickly added.

She placed her hand on his mouth, and while Buds tried to wonder what she was up to… he felt her  
knees on his crotch. Hard. His scream barely escaped from her covering hand, and he felt like the world  
suddenly shattered. He keeled over, and Setsuko let him go.

"Ouch… mommy…" he moaned weakly.

"You're fired," Setsuko muttered coldly before she calmly walked away, following Yumi.

Buds, for a moment, was on his knees, feeling like he was about to throw up. He crawled like his legs were  
working towards a park bench, and sat on its base, breathing like oxygen was a rare commodity. He still  
clutched on his jewels protectively.

"What a kick, eh, Buds?" Reiko's voice sounded on his side.

"… It… was… a knee…" Buds muttered automatically through his gritted teeth. He then blinked when  
he realized who spoke to him. He looked towards his side, and saw his familiar. "Reiko!"

The Familiar smiled at him. "Yo."

"Where have you been?" Buds asked, and tried to stand up, only to feel sharp pain on his gut. He sat down  
almost at once. "Ouch… fuck…"

"Hit you hard, eh?" Reiko nodded sagely towards the SI. "Well… overprotective mother wins."

"She played dirty!" Buds muttered darkly. "It was totally uncalled for! She just grabbed me out of nowhere,  
and then, BAM! She knees me hard! I thought I was gonna puke my guts out! You know that feeling?"

"You must be fine if you're ranting like that," Reiko smiled.

"Yeah, whatever… where have you been?" Buds asked. "And what the hell happened? I thought I was a  
goner! The last thing I remember was the fire and trying to cough air in…"

"Are you feeling better?" a voice from behind Buds asked evenly.

"Huh? Yeah, I am…" he turned around, and was about to ask something but just went silent when he saw  
Nagato staring at him.

His jaw went wide open.

"Sorry Buds…" Reiko suddenly stated softly. The SI looked towards his familiar, still reeling in shock.

"Sorry…?" Buds asked. "What do you mean sorry…"

"I had to make a deal," Reiko stated.

"What deal…?" Buds backed away as Nagato approached him. "Reiko… what deal?"

"You are coming with me…" Nagato stated softly.

"Wait… no… wait…!"

Buds looked towards Reiko who didn't seem to be of any help. He looked towards Nagato who didn't seem  
to listen. He wondered briefly if he'd make a run for it… or if he could. Maybe he can distract her for a second  
and he'd be able to hide somewhere… until he realized that he was still in pain.

He cursed. Why the hell did Setsuko have to kick him there at this point in time?

**To Be Continued… :P**


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

**SIA Documentary**

**Chapter 4**

* * *

"_Spare him!" Reiko begged as she looked towards Yuki approach the fallen SI. _

"_Why should I?" _

_Her eyes sparkled as she looked at the SI gently. _

"_He… he just wanted to travel… explore… he didn't mean to cause any trouble!" _

_Yuki seemed to look towards Reiko with soft eyes. "Does he mean a lot to you?" _

"_Yes…" _

"_Then… I shall spare him in light of your strong friendship you have with him."_

* * *

"That's bullshit," Buds declared, cutting Reiko off her story-telling.

"What!? What's bullshit!?" Reiko demanded immediately.

"_Does he mean a lot to you? I shall spare him in light of your strong friendship?_" he mocked. "That is probably the stupidest story I have ever heard in a looong while! I may not totally know about Yuki, but that is soooo OOC!"

"What is OOC?"

Buds suddenly jumped when he heard Yuki's voice, but he calmed down when he remembered where he was.

After having his jewels kicked by the feministic male hating lesbian, he ran to Reiko, who he had thought disappeared since meeting the SIK (Self Insert Killers) Yuki. Typically relieved that his familiar was safe, he didn't notice the malicious and evil plot that his treacherous familiar sprung up.

"Oi, it's not my fault he didn't see Yuki behind me," Reiko muttered.

Quite, quite… but still. It makes Buds feel better if I overplay tragedy, and downplay his stupidity.

"I think I ought to get another narrator…" Buds whispered to Reiko.

Now, now, no need for that. On with the story.

Yuki's appearance surprised our SI that before he knew it, he found himself in front of her apartment. Images of his death by impalement fueled his crazy theory that Yuki was actually the reincarnation of Vlad the Impaler, and had to be almost dragged in by the SIK. Of course, it was just imagination, and one thing led to another, and here we are, inside Yuki's apartment.

"What is OOC?" Yuki asked again.

"It means Out Of Character," Buds replied. "It's a term used in my world to describe things characters like you wouldn't characteristically do."

"Hmm… interesting," Yuki replied, her eyes still on Buds. "It's always said that SIs are quite well informed in the world's situations and even some people that they blend in so well." She looked at Reiko. "It seems it was worth accepting your proposal."

"Proposal?" Buds glared at Reiko, who seemed to be whistling in her corner. "I knew it! You sold me out!"

"Hey, hey! You don't know the circumstances on how that deal was made!" Reiko complained. "I did it for you! She wanted to kill you, but I saved your life! This is how you thank me, you ungrateful bastard!?"

Buds wasn't moved. "Yuki-san… was that true?"

"It is true I was aiming to finish you," she replied truthfully.

"See? See!?" Reiko smiled in victory.

"Though she was more worried about herself, saying that I can have you if you if I spare her…" Yuki continued.

"Huu… why am I not surprised…" Buds whispered darkly. Reiko just groaned.

"You know… you didn't have to say that…" she whispered.

"Of course… it's a useless deal," the SIK continued. "I already had you, unconscious, on the floor, slowly suffocating. I needn't raised a hand to destroy you, but… I was curious."

"Curious?" he asked.

"You never really attacked me," Yuki stated. "And from what I can gather with that day… you exposed yourself to save this teenage girl."

"He got kicked in the balls for that," Reiko added.

"For the last time, it was a knee!" Buds corrected her.

"You must have thought you were going to puke your guts out, eh?"

"Look, I do not want to be reminded of how it felt!" Buds declared. "And stop recycling lines from the last chapter! The readers are going to think I don't have anything creative to add!"

If they weren't weirded out by this sort of breakage to the fourth wall already, they might find it funny. Or corny.

Back to the story… again.

"I find you interesting," Yuki stated. "SIs are quite power-trippers, and at times, never really tend to realize that they are outmatched… yet, I meet you, an SI who was almost undetectable until you exposed yourself to save that girl. And when you met up with me, you didn't even put up with an offense. You have sparked my curiosity."

"Uh… is that a good thing?" Buds asked nervously.

"Are you wondering why you're still alive?" she replied with a question.

"I am, aren't I? Wow… I guess it is a good thing then," he nodded.

Yuki ignored his off comments. "I require your service, SI," she stated.

"S… service?" Buds did a double take.

"Not that kind of service, perv," Reiko rolled her eyes.

"Oh… well, what kind of service then?"

And from there on, Yuki explained about the interest of the Integrated Data Entity of different dimensions and parallel worlds other than this one, and it (the Entity) wanted Buds to be used as a host to gather data so as to expand options of evolution.

Of course, when faced with something like that in Yuki's unstoppable monotone, the only thing Buds could ask was "Huh?"

And then, with patience, Yuki repeated what she had just said, verbatim, much to Buds and Reiko's surprise… but it still didn't seem to give Buds anything to work with really.

"Uh… can you explain…?"

"I need you to be the host, as a means of an extension, like a limb of sort…"

"Wait, wait…" Buds interrupted. "That was going to be the third time you were going to say that all over again… can't you… simplify it?"

"It is quite simplified, SI," Yuki responded dead pan. "I need you to be the host…"

"Okay, okay… stop, I'm getting a headache," Buds sighed. "What… do… you," and he pointed at Yuki, "want me," he pointed at himself, "to… do?"

"I need you to be the host…"

"Stop! Stop! It's not funny anymore," Buds flexed his fingers impatiently. "Can you… uh… explain like I'm… stupid?"

"Aren't you?" Reiko asked.

"Harhar," he mocked laughter. He looked back at Yuki. "Can't you say it in a less complex manner? Simple words with simple sentences?"

"I shall try," Yuki replied. "You… travel… to different… worlds."

"I said keep it simple, not slow it down," the SI sighed. When Yuki seemed to stop and look at him, he raised his hands defensively. "Uh, continue, continue."

"You shall travel to different worlds… and your memories of your stay there shall be used as data," Yuki finally stated.

"Ooooh! You want me to do what I do?" Buds asked, finally getting it. "Well… that's relatively simple."

"Quite," Yuki nodded. "But of course, to prevent you from escaping, you will not be as privileged as you were before."

"Huh?"

"Using your existing protocols, we shall deliberate and use that as a base to transport you from world to world."

"Alright…" Buds nodded, though he probably didn't understand half of what she said."

"You will not be with your familiar," Yuki replied.

"That's good," Buds smirked. Reiko just took her tongue out at him.

"Better news to me than you," she muttered mockingly.

"But wait," Buds raised his hand. "If Reiko's not with me… then who will regulate my Protocols?"

"You shall be given the Protocols deemed necessary for your survival."

"Ah…" Buds nodded.

"We shall grant you access to your Language Protocol."

"Okay, that's good…" he nodded again. "And…?"

"That is all."

Buds looked at Yuki like she was joking. "That's can't be it…"

"It is," she replied.

"B…but what about my Starter Protocol?" Buds asked.

"Too complex. It is based on the will and choice of the regulator, and with your familiar gone, you are responsible on how you use that Protocol," Yuki declared. "With it, you can start as a millionaire or a powerful figure in the world you land in, disrupting the balance."

"My Suspicion Protocol?"

"Again, regulated protocol. If you are willing, you can just do anything you want without rousing any suspicion, disrupting the balance," she replied.

"My… Death and Rebirth then?" he asked desperately.

"It's a loophole protocol. With that, you may just kill yourself, be born to another AMH world, and we'd have lost connection with you," she replied calmly. "We will not allow you to use that as a means to escape."

"My Final Protocol…?"

"Absolutely not," she said it before Buds could even finish the sentence.

"But this is unfair!" Buds declared. "I can understand my Final Protocol, and maybe my Suspicion too, but my Death and Rebirth? You know the risk I'm taking by going to another world like that? It's like you're giving me a straw and a few pieces of paper to fight a giant spider!"

"It is the safest way to conduct this data gathering," she replied.

"Safest? For who? You!?" Buds shook his head. "No. No way I'm going through with this. I demand another treaty!"

"Hmmm… I was prepared for resistance… which is why I shall try to appease to your weakness," Yuki muttered, and walked towards Buds, who looked back at her apprehensively. What was she going to do?

She took her hand, and dove towards her pocket, her steps nearing Buds' position. But before he could even move, her other hand suddenly went towards the top of his head. He covered himself with his arms, thinking she was about to punch him or something, when he suddenly felt her gentle hand patting him.

"That's a good boy," she suddenly muttered, still with her monotone. "Here you are…" and her other hand came out of her pocket, revealing a dog biscuit shaped like a bone. "I have many more. If you're a good doggy…"

Buds slapped the biscuit away.

"What was that!?" he demanded angrily. "Good doggy? What am I, a dog!?" Then he gaped. "Or… maybe… maybe that's it! Beneath that silent exterior… you are actually a…" he paused for effect, "an S&M freak!?"

Yuki moved her head sideways a bit, looking at Buds with blankness, then curiosity, then intrigue, and then deliberation. Buds found himself feeling rather foolish.

"No, can't be…" he muttered. He looked at Yuki again. "Any reason why you're giving me the Scooby-doo treatment?"

"Your familiar said you would be pleased if I treated you this way…" Yuki replied with a hint of curiosity. Buds just stared at Reiko, who looked away, whistling.

"Haha, very funny," Buds muttered dead-pan, and flipped her the bird. He glanced at Yuki again, and muttered, "Look… I'd love to work with you… I really do. But you're like giving me to a den of lions. I can't work out like that… its risky for me."

"I will be frank," Yuki stated. "You are my responsibility, and a prisoner. Your safety is no real concern of mines. While I would prefer if we both work out peacefully, I would stand nothing to lose by your death, other than an opportunity cost. You, on the other hand, will lose your life if you refuse me."

Buds stared at her. "Take your threats somewhere else, then," he muttered, turning away from Yuki, and walked away.

"I was not threatening…" she whispered.

Reiko watched the SI disappear from the living room area of the apartment, and left to search for a place to hide… preferably with a lock. She looked back at Yuki, who just stared at the space where Buds had occupied a moment ago.

"Uh… so… what now?" Reiko asked her.

"I shall give him time. Maybe he shall be more welcomed to the idea tomorrow."

"Ha! You're going to receive the same answer you got," Reiko shook her head. "Buds is hard headed, you wouldn't imagine how resistant he could be. I remember the time where he was hit by a Vespa and still had the strength to complain at me…"

Correct me if I'm wrong, but that doesn't sound like being hard-headed to me.

"If that is the case, then there is no choice but to eliminate him," Yuki stated calmly.

"Oh, really? Well, that's good, that's good," Reiko nodded distractedly, having a thought enter her head. "Um, but… if you decide to do eliminate him… what happens to me?"

"You will be deleted."

"Ah… dele…" Reiko's eyes widened. "Really…?"

"Yes," Yuki replied.

"But if he helps you…?"

"Then there is no reason to delete you," the human interface stated. "And you are needed to help us collect data."

"Ah…" Reiko looked around, and checked to see if Buds was anywhere near in listening range. When he wasn't, she approached Yuki, and whispered, "Do you want him to do it?"

"It would be advantageous and preferable that he helps us…" Yuki stated.

"Well… there is something that might… convince him," Reiko stated with an odd smile. "But… you'll have to do it."

Yuki just blinked.

* * *

Buds wandered to the bathroom, and locked the door. He began to sweat. His thoughts swarmed with the thought that this was it… Yuki Nagato, an SI Killer, was definitely going to come after him to kill him. He refused her offer because of its risks, but then again, now that he had a good long thought about it, he was going to get anywhere by refusing.

Maybe he should have agreed… maybe it was too late for him to take back his answer. Maybe… she was coming now to impale him! Oh no! Yuki the Impaler! Will she also bathe in his virgin blood? Or will she cook his heart, and eat it? Maybe the liver… Oh Kami…

His hands went towards the lock and unconsciously turned it… maybe it wasn't too late at all! But… he then remembered the gut wrenching feeling of being kneed by Setsuko. Her arrogant sneering face as he had come to her restaurant, begging for her to hire him.

Was he going to do the same? Face through hell because he just had no choice? Kicked in the nads as thanks for saving someone else's daughter?

"NO!" he suddenly shouted with pride. "I will not back down from my words! I still have my pride! As a MAN!"

Yes, yes… while its good now that Buds finally found his pride… what good is it if you're dead?

"Oh shut up," he replied.

There was a knock on the door.

"SI," Yuki's voice came from the opposite side, making Buds suddenly jump. "I need to talk to you."

"Uh… um… can I still take back my answer?" Buds asked nervously… so much for pride.

The door suddenly opened, making Buds jump even higher. His tongue got all tied and twisted. Didn't he lock the door? How did she even open it? A key? Did she have a key to unlock the bathroom lock?

When he asked her that, Yuki just replied, "You unlocked it."

Then he remembered what he did. He felt even more stupid.

"Uh… hey… did you want to…" he was about to ask, but then, was stopped when Yuki suddenly moved.

A blur. A stab. A pinching and prickling sensation… and all Buds could see after that was moving lines… straight going curvy, and curvy going straight, and all colors going inversely proportionate with their names. Black became white, white became red, red became lavender, and for some reason, yellow became bananas.

Anyone confused so far, don't be. I'm just saying everything around Buds was getting fucked up.

By the time he came to, Buds could only feel something soft in his cheek, supporting it. He moved his head slightly, enjoying the fabricky feeling of cotton. Wow… he must have thought. This pillow was very soft. He wanted to hug it.

That's when he opened his eyes. He couldn't move his hands… they were bound by something. He then realized something else was odd… he was on his knees. He tried to move his legs, but they were bound as well.

Now, he thought to himself… what the hell happened? Last thing he remembered was an injection to the neck by Yuki… it must have knocked him out. By why was his arms bound? Why are his legs bound? And why is his ass sticking up in the air?

"Are you awake?" Yuki's voice called from his side. Buds head turned towards the direction… and suddenly yelped.

Yuki Nagato… from what he could remember, she always wore her school uniform. Her glasses, which was missing, is probably the sign which established a timeline. Buds knew that Kyon was the one responsible for her change and the first thing she ever did remove was her glasses…

So… he began to wonder… what are the odds for Yuki Nagato to suddenly start wearing nothing but a lacy brassiere, stockings, and a…

"Um…" Buds swallowed. "What is that?" he motioned, with his head, towards her… uh… crotch area.

"It's a strap-on."

"A WHAT!?" he shouted immediately. The SIK suddenly began to squeeze something out of her right hand towards her left hand. That something was then rubbed slowly up and down the shaft.

"A…a…a…and… what's that?" he asked dreadfully.

"Lubricant."

"Lubri… wait! Wait! Why are you doing this!?" Buds asked desperately. "Is this about the job!? Is that it?"

She didn't, and just moved away from Buds' line of sight.

"Hey! HEY! Answer me!" Buds shook himself, trying to get free from the restraints. It was useless. "Look! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to walk away from you like that! Please… we can talk about this!!"

He then felt her small hands going for his hips. He did what he could only do.

He screamed like a girl.

* * *

The next morning, in the kitchen area:

"He fainted…" Yuki stated.

"He… fainted?" Reiko blinked. She scratched the back of her head and laughed gently. "Well… at least you got what you needed."

Yes… now for those who are confused with the time skip, let me tell you about the situation. It's now morning, about 10 hours after our SI screamed like a girl. Reiko asked the SI Killer to spill on the details of last night brouhaha, and Yuki, being Yuki, just told it without restraint.

"Yes, quite. It's a very effective psychological tactic," Yuki nodded. "It took me less than five minutes to extract a positive answer from him." She paused. "Maybe I ought to try that sometimes to other subjects."

Poor Kyon.

"So… what happened to him after he fainted?" Reiko asked.

"He stayed unconscious for the whole time I was in hibernation…" Yuki replied. "Except for a couple of times he whimpered in his sleep."

"So… he stayed with you the whole night?"

"Well… he did lose consciousness on my bed…"

If the situation wasn't funny and disturbing, I might have asked Buds out for a drink out with the boys.

There was a shuffling movement outside the kitchen. The door knob seemed to shake a moment before turning a few angles before it returned to its original state. Yuki and Reiko looked at the door, knowing full well who it was…

The door finally opened, revealing a disheveled, defeated looking boy who seemed to have fought on a twelve round boxing match with an 18-wheeler… and lost after 10 seconds of the first round. His head was down, and unbelievably, his brown skin was very pale.

"R…r…reporting f…f…for d…d…d…d…duty N…Nagato-sama…" Buds whispered. "D…do y…y…you n…n…nee…" he paused. He took a whiff of the air. "W…what a delicious smelling… aroma…"

"Its breakfast," Yuki stated neutrally.

"Oh… is… is that right?" Buds seemed to nod… though it was hard to tell since his head was still down. "E…enjoy."

He was about to leave when Yuki just looked at him curiously. "Is the food not to your liking?"

"Huh?" Buds suddenly asked.

"If you prefer something else, what would you have?"

"Y… you mean I'm allowed to… eat?" he asked nervously.

"Of course," Yuki replied with an odd bit of curiosity. "Since you have requested my proposal, you shall be under my care. I shall try to accommodate you as I can."

"Yuki-dono…" Buds raised his head, his eyes full of tears.

He joined the table, where Reiko noted he seemed to have forgotten about his ordeal yesterday… so she reminded herself to tell Yuki later not to tell on Buds the whole thing yesterday was her idea in the first place.

"MMmmmhmmm!" Buds moaned in delight as fed himself. "This is good!" He paused to chew his food, and swallowed. "You know… if you just told me that you'd cook stuff for me if I accepted, you wouldn't need to do all that brouhaha of yesterday, which I suspect was an idea spurned by my familiar who thinks it would be funny to know my perks. I mean, she probably wanted to know how I'd react, her knowing I'm a lolicon, and Yuki being an attractive loli herself, how arousing it might have been if she had a strap on…"

Reiko just stared at him.

"Now, now, Reiko," Buds continued, "I am not a bit aroused by the idea of being done in by the…"

"More rice?" Yuki asked, cutting him off.

"Oh sure!" Buds gave his bowl. When he got his bowl back, he continued to eat in silence.

"Wow…" Reiko muttered.

"It seems the key to his heart is his stomach…" Yuki stated.

"Oh, that is quite true!" Buds suddenly declared. "Quite ingenious, Yuki-dono. You have accurately guessed my preference in such a short time! Aren't you an impressive lady? Yes, you see, psychologically, food is my pleasure and escape of the harsh world…"

"Shut up already and eat," Reiko muttered.

"Um, sure…"

**To Be Continued…**

* * *

Reiko: Welcome to Reiko's!

Buds: And Buds'!

**SI NETWORK!**

Buds: Due to the author's lack of ideas, we are now hosting an end show to either divulge omakes, or answer questions asked!

Reiko: Here's a question from one of our reviewers!

* * *

**Ardonius-Servant-Of-Zeta**

_Not to sound insulting, but Buds is...below average. He clearly doesn't have the sense to say "She stayed in my room, I left and enjoyed the night life. Hence the reason I wasn't there." Or at least something like that..._

* * *

Buds: Wait a minute… that wasn't a question…

Reiko: (Ignores) To answer… yes, Buds is below average intelligence. I mean, come on, isn't it that obvious? The SI is stupid! He gets hit by a Vespa, gets stabbed by a chick! And then gets kneed in the…

Buds: Hey, come on! I was still in a state of shock and confusion! I mean… hello! I woke up the hospital after meeting an SIK! And where was Reiko at that time? Sure, my answer was a bit slow and thoughtless… (continues to babble)

Reiko: (whispers) Ignore him. He's just making excuses.

Buds: (finally stopping his rant) Now that we got that on the clear… It's time for...!

* * *

**OMAKE!!**

"This… will not be over quickly. You will not enjoy this…" Yuki muttered in her monotone. "I am your Queen."

"… you know what, let's just skip that line, Yuki-san… you don't seem remotely scary with it…" Buds muttered.

"Oh… so… straight to it then?" she asked.

"Straight to… NO! NO! STOP! CUT! CUT!!"

* * *

Reiko: Hope you settled with a safe word…

Buds: I thought _stop_ was the safe word… (shivers) Anyways! Next **SI NETWORK **we'll have Yuki as a guest!

Reiko and Buds: BYEE!!!

* * *

_Next: _

_An SI… all alone in a new world. With no familiar, and only one protocol to rely on. But wait! Even in the darkest corners of the world, even where no love blooms, a ray of hope is there to salvage even the loneliest souls. Where even the most desperate men survive!_

_That, or they just die. Good luck SI!_

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

Was there any time where any of you waged an internal battle against yourselves? Like the fight or flight mechanism in our body, and with logical decision-making choosing between the two, all of us had two conflicting decisions to make in our lives. Some, more constant than the others, who most of times, have it easy.

Take Buds for example... his simple way of living and thinking make him prone to breaking down when he has to face something enormous... That enormous thing right now is the wormhole in front of him.

"Uh... uh... uh..." he muttered, frozen as he looked at the rather oddly beautiful sphere of light. Its lights randomly changed colors, swirled in a beautiful color of... well, in his view, death. "Um... Yuki-dono... maybe we ought to do this in a different manner..."

Yes... you see, Buds was used to Reiko's and his pre-programmed jump transfer using heavy pseudo-meta-physics algorithm that made his travel as smooth as possible. Wormholes, usually derived using gravity to compress time and space to travel to other worlds tend to be... well, quite turbulent and dangerous.

There are many stories about SIs who use wormhole traveling. If they got the science wrong, they usually face a number of problems... most common is the "splicing", where their bodies suddenly mix up, and placed wrongly. Worst cases of these splices are joining a character of that world, with really odd effects. For example, there was a case where Sailor Pluto suddenly found herself owning a ding-dong from a male SI, whose crotch suddenly felt shorn. Pluto got pissed more than the time it was said her representing planet isn't a planet anymore (and at Sailor Uranus and Neptune... they seem to not "mind" too much). She's quite a heavy SIK reputed to be sadistic to any SI coming towards her world.

Another example is the crotch misplacing itself in another place of the SI. When one of the female SIs found her genitals in place of her nose, her breasts in place of her crotch, and her nose was found in the crack of her butt, all SIs then concluded that there are better ways to get to AMH worlds than some random spinning gravity.

Maybe Buds was thinking of that part... he didn't want his wang in place of his nose... and God knows where his nose will be placed, hence his apprehension in diving in the wormhole. Yes, the swirling colors were beautiful... and quite magical, if he had to say so himself... but...

"No! No! No! No!" Buds declared looking back at Yuki and Reiko, the former looking at him neutrally, and the latter looking like she won the lottery. "Wormholes are bad!"

"Do not fret. This wormhole is stable and maintained by the highest degree of programming and energy," Yuki stated. "It is safe, and very stable."

"I heard stable twice! You're trying to lull me in a false sense of security aren't you!?" Buds demanded, pointing at her with an accusing finger. He looked at Reiko and muttered, "And don't look like a woman who finally got her period after a few weeks delay after having unprotected sex with a complete stranger!"

That got Reiko to frown. Her eyebrows raised. She looked towards Yuki, and muttered, "You know what, just kick him in."

"HEY! No more stupid ideas from you!" Buds declared, remembering quite well how he almost lost his ass... figuratively... or is it literally?

"Do it... kick him in," Reiko muttered. "He's not going to jump in no matter what you say."

Yuki looked between the two aliens of her world, and with a slight nod, she faced Buds with a rather determined face. The SI didn't like the way she was looking at him for the moment.

"Hey! Hey!" Buds suddenly put his fists up. "Stay back! I'm warning you..."

Yuki looked at him curiously, then somewhat changed her expression bordering shock. Buds was surprised, not only because that is a face he rarely, if ever saw in her, but because also she was not looking at him, but behind him.

Was there something in his back!? Did some monster crawl out of the wormhole and was going to take a swipe at him? Buds turned immediately, only to spot nothing but the beautiful swirling colors of the gravity phenomenon, and before he could even react, felt a slight push behind him.

Reiko watched with slight morbid fascination as she studied Yuki's extended leg.

"You... you actually kicked him in," she muttered.

"The wormhole is safe and stable. His fears were misplaced," Yuki replied nonchalantly.

"No, I mean... you just kicked him in! You tricked him and kicked him from the back!" Reiko's voice was beginning to garner respect for the SIK. "You know what... you should have shouted before you kicked him... 'THIS IS SPARTA!!!'"

Yuki looked towards Reiko, slightly confused.

"You. Me. Watch Movies," was Reiko's only reply.

* * *

**SIA Documentary**

_**Boldly go where no SI was forced to go. **_

_Chapter 5: Swords, Whips and Glasses_

* * *

"Stupid SIK..." Buds muttered as he wiped the leftover garbage he landed on earlier. His face went sick as he peeled away a rotten banana skin from his pants. "She didn't have to do that... I was going to go in peacefully..."

Yeah. After an hour of crying, beginning, and temper tantrums.

"Shut it," Buds stated. "Where am I?"

Buds looked perplexedly at his new surroundings. This was a new experience for him. Instead of starting out with an apartment, or at least with Reiko, he was all alone in this... well, urban jungle. Buildings surrounded by the still-bright day, the smell of garbage, smoke, decadence and what seemed to be perfume lingering in a rather chocking and humidified air.

There were women around the place, staring at him. Well, what wouldn't be more suspicious than a brown skinned Asian guy smelling like rotten food? Without his Suspicion Protocol, he was probably sticking out like a sore thumb.

"Stupid Yuki. Stupid Alien. Stupid whatever-name-I-can-come-up!" Buds muttered as he walked away from the suspicious eyes, kicking a piece of random pebble in the sidewalk. "Putting me down here without back-up. Kicking me through a wormhole without warning!" He paused. "Well... yeah, nothing came out wrong, but still..."

Buds' shook his head. Now was not the time to concede to the fact that she basically just tried to do him in! Nevermind the fact that she already told him he was going to be perfectly safe, he was tricked! Decieved! And landed on god-awful smelling garbage! Words could never describe his intense rage for the...

His stomach suddenly growled. Buds moaned in annoyance as he remembered that he hadn't eaten breakfast. Yuki had woken him up that morning and told him to dress as he was about to be sent to an AMH world, and the rest, as they say, is history... of that day.

"AHA! Another reason!" he snapped suddenly as he raised his fist in the air. Buds could ignore the kicking... he could ignore the deceiving. Hell, he could ignore landing in garbage, but to cut him off from food!? Blasphemy! Inhumane! And other fancy words he could think about.

He cried slightly as he sat down on the sidewalk he was on, and leant back to one of the walls of the building. He wondered how long he would last like this... he'll probably end up begging for alms in the streets. He'll be scorned at, laughed, and if he was unlucky, caught by the Ministry of Deportation or whatever they call their immigration office here and send him somewhere else in a Fed-ex box filled with shaved soap and a gag ball.

Yes, his imagination is running wild now. He could feel the burning sun's ultraviolet rays digging in his skin, his brown melanin filled skin converting the harmful radiation to simple infra-red... his skin responding to it by excreting water and salts to cool off his skin, but even then, the environment was suddenly turning against him.

The air became heavier. Was the oxygen of this world avoiding him? And now, he could feel the ground poking on his buttocks painfully. He ignored the sensation as he spotted a few more girls staring at him oddly... whispering to each other.

Buds could feel a conspiracy afloat. But before he could even delve on to that aspect the ground kept poking his bottom cheeks more painfully that he got distracted, and tried to take out the stone or whatever that was digging up his skin.

There was no stone. What was giving him that annoying sensation was actually his wallet, which he noticed, was quite fatter than the last time he remembered it. Opening, he looked inside and marveled at his sudden possession of cash. Taking it out, he spotted a paper stuck between the cash.

It was a letter from Yuki. It was simple, and straight to the point.

_This will be enough to get you by the first day. _

Buds blinked, and suddenly, remarked loudly how thoughtful 'Yuki-dono' was, and how elegant, beautiful and well mannered she is. His praises got even more and more lavish until to the point he began to repeat himself multiple times.

He stopped when he felt his hunger again.

Now, armed with enough cash to get some breakfast, lunch and dinner, he roamed around, vigorous once again as his wander-eye revived. This was an opportunity! Adventure, maybe romance, laughs, action, and anything that hopefully won't cause his death would be waiting for him here. He was ready! Ready for this world! Ready for anything!

* * *

"What? What do you mean you won't serve me!?" Buds asked indignantly.

"We don't serve your kind here," the woman muttered before shutting the door in front of the fuming SI, who just huffed away.

That was like the fourth restaurant that he went which rejected him. Some people here! Well, yeah, he did smell a bit like garbage, and he was definitely a foreigner with roaming eyes, but there was no need to deny him food! Damn Japanese, he thought rather heatedly.

Buds never noticed another pair of roaming feminine eyes, settling on his back. The owner of those eyes followed him as he went to his fifth, sixth and seventh establishments, each of them like the first four. He almost was about to do something rather drastic (he took a rather well sized stone, and was about to throw it on a glass window) when the woman finally showed herself, and suddenly grabbed his hand immediately.

"Hey! Let go!" Buds muttered angrily. "This doesn't concern you!"

"Come here for a moment," she whispered, and with rather great strength, dragged him away from the restaurant. The SI tried to stay his ground, only to be held on the ear, and with more force (and pain for him), led away.

"OWW! OWW! LET GO!" he thrashed, though after a few moments of futility, muttered to himself, "Ah damnit, whatever," and allowed himself to be taken away. The woman kept quiet as they passed a few more buildings, before finally stopping in front of a rather small square building, which Buds noticed, was closed.

It was also a rather odd building. The way it was created seemed to hide the inside. The glasses were painted black and there was no banner or anything to announce its presence as an establishment. He was about to ask what were they doing when his dragger just took out a key from her pocket of her pants, and opened the door.

"Come in," she stated.

"Yeah, thanks for bringing me in," Buds muttered sarcastically. "Come in... sheesh. You'd think people say that when they were trying to bring people in, not dragging them by the ear."

"Do you want me to kick you out?" the woman asked. Buds shook his head.

"No, no," he changed his tone. "Thank you for the hospitality."

"Good."

She walked away, and Buds looked around his dim-lit surroundings for a moment before suddenly being blinded by the electrical lights turned on. The inside was finally clear to him. It looked like the bar where he went back in Yuki's world. There was a bar at a side, and a stage with a large seating area.

"Nice place," he muttered. "What is it?"

She looked at him slightly. "You don't know?" she asked.

"I would if there was a sign outside," Buds replied as a matter of fact. "Looks like a bar with a stage. Outside makes it look abandoned, but it's quite clean and well maintained inside." He looked at the mysterious woman who dragged him. "Are you about to open this place?"

"No," she replied with a slight smile. "This establishment's been open for a long while. It's just dead during the day."

"Oh..." he nodded. "So... uh, why did you drag me here?"

The woman gave him something resembling a booklet. He looked at it curiously, and opened it. It seemed to be a menu of sort, so he looked back at her, confused.

"Got anything to order?" she asked patiently.

Buds suddenly cracked a smile. "Wait, what? Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously," she replied with a slight giggle.

"Ah... you Japanese are friendly people!" he stated loudly, forgetting he was just cursing them just a few moments ago. Typical of him.

"You're not from around here, are you?" she asked.

"Nah. Just arrived this... well... what time is it?"

"About one in the afternoon," she replied.

"Alright. I got here about an hour or so ago," Buds stated. "Never been here..."

"No wonder," she stated in thought.

"No wonder what?"

"You were like a fish out of the water," she stated. Buds watched as she began to relax noticeably, though he didn't ask about it. Instead, he read the menu, and ordered.

It took a while as the woman stated that the Kitchen still needed to be started up, but it was better than starving. Besides, with her in the kitchen, he was able to look around the restaurant/bar/whatever. He noticed a few strange things... like a few black handcuffs and some rather gothic designs.

It was actually creative. If a metal band played here, they wouldn't be out of place at all. Though the absence of the drum-set made him wonder if the stage was used for band playing... he doubted that the incoming bands would have to bring their own set.

"Still hungry?" the woman suddenly asked, coming out of the doors leading towards the kitchen, carrying a tray.

"Yeah," Buds muttered before he sat to a table, and the woman placed a plate for him. He opted to help with the serving of his food, but she flat-out refused. Leaving her to her devices, the SI waited until she completed her service before he dug in.

"Mind if I sit across you?" she asked.

"Nah, not at all."

She made herself comfortable, looking at him as Buds ravenously ate his rice and meal. He ordered something cheap and simple, so he could eventually use the money for something else... maybe a stay at an Inn? But with his funds, he'd probably just to a motel for one night. Slightly cheaper.

"How long have you been in Japan?" she asked suddenly.

"Umm..." Buds chewed a bit more and swallowed before answering. "About... well, not too long."

"You're grasp in our language seems more than adequate," she stated.

"I... uh... had a Japanese teacher from back home, and he taught me since I was a kid," Buds lied. "Wow, this food is awesome!" he muttered to change the subject. But the woman wouldn't have it.

"You're teacher must really be good. You're accent is perfect."

Buds looked at her for a moment, before he smiled. "I'm Buds. What's your name?"

She smirked slightly. "Keep doing that, and I'll really convince myself you're hiding something," she stated. "Anko."

Buds immediately looked at her hair, and see if she was sporting one of those pineapple style hairdos. She wasn't. Instead, she had curly long dirty blonde hair. From his guess, it was longer down her shoulders, but not much.

Buds knew he was safe from a sadistic female ninja. He breathed slightly easier now.

"Last name? First name?" he asked.

"Last."

"Ah... Buds my first," he muttered. "Don't like giving my last name to anyone. It's annoyingly long."

"Fair enough..." Anko looked at him again. "So... do you know where you are?"

"Uh... Japan?" Buds replied stupidly. She just smiled.

"Obviously. Where exactly in Japan?"

"Yeeeee...ahhhh... no idea," Buds shrugged sheepishly.

"So, you just basically just came here out of nowhere," she asked, leaning forward.

"Nice breasts," he muttered.

"Not working, Buds-san."

Buds scratched his head. After a moment of thinking, he just nodded slightly. "Oh fine. I hitched a ride in the back of a truck, and I just took off out of random. I basically don't know where I am." He frowned at her. "Happy?"

She looked at him for a moment. Her eyes bore to his for a moment, but Buds just looked at it head on, unwavering. He kept his face still, hopefully so his half-lie-half truth answer won't be spotted so he could just drop the subject. He was beginning to regret coming in here now...

"Well, I guess you're excuse is much better than the other stragglers who come here," she muttered. "Look... you seem decent enough, so I'll give you a fair warning. After you had your fill, pay up, and get away from this place."

"Why? Something wrong?" he asked.

"Let's say the owner of this area is very rich and powerful... and she has a few set rules that doesn't allow your kind here," she replied.

"Hates foreigners?"

"No, no, not foreigners," she answered.

"Brown people?" Buds guessed again.

"No, not brown people."

"Uh... what then?" he asked.

"She hates men..." Anko finally replied.

Buds looked at her oddly. "Men?"

"Yes, men," she nodded patiently.

Well, that was really clichéd now, in Buds' silent opinion. Was he cursed really? Didn't the last world he get into make him butt heads with another male hating woman? What was this, seriously? Divine punishment? Was God just whistling up there as He placed him in Amazonian kind of situations?

"Let me guess... she's a lesbian," Buds muttered.

"Yes."

"Something happened to her when she was young hence her strong dislike of men."

"Yes."

Well, that was definitely clichéd. Buds looked up for a moment, and his eyes widened suddenly. "Uh... Anko-san... does this woman have red-hair, seemingly still in school, with a slightly ugly frown... red eyes, and has a short haired brown companion?" he asked.

Anko looked at him, impressed. "Yes, quite! How did you know?"

"Uh... because she's standing there behind you," Buds pointed out.

There was this 'uh-oh' atmosphere as Anko turned, and spotted the red-headed woman. She suddenly stood up, and rushed towards her, and knelt down on the floor.

"Mikoto-sama," Anko declared, bowing down low, almost kissing the ground. Buds could only watch blankly as the woman with red hair (Mikoto?) looked at her with a slightly satisfied expression, but frowning again when her eyes went to Buds. Her companion was immovable, just standing there right beside her.

"I'm surprised," Mikoto spoke. "I never imagined you'd try to cheat on me with a man."

Okay, now that is just creepy.

"I second that," Buds muttered.

"No, mistress... the straggler here just got lost..."

"And I specifically said that any of his kind here should be dealt as I have specifically stated, yet here he is," she looked at Buds again. "Welcomed... here of all places. I'm disappointed in you, Anko."

"I... I'm sorry, mistress..."

"Hmph..." Mikoto huffed slightly. "And you... what's your reason for sneaking in my part of town?"

"Uh..." Buds looked at Anko slightly, who was still bowing down. "I was just hungry lady."

"Hungry... heh. That's original," Mikoto muttered sarcastically. Turning her head slightly, she gave a signal to her companion, who just nodded, and with blinding speed, kicked down the table that held the food. Buds yelped, jumping away as the plates and food crashed down the floor.

"Hey!" Buds complained. "That was totally unnecessary! Sheesh... maybe we can save it..."

Buds went to his knees, looking closely at the spilled food. While he wasn't much a fan of 'Its still fine after two minutes', he was still too hungry to care. It was decent food, and that damn red-headed witch had to waste it like that! He was about to grab the top part of the spilled contents, when a leg suddenly came down and stomped on the food, mincing it slightly.

"Still hungry?" Mikoto asked with a smirk, enjoying the slight squishing sensation she was feeling.

Her satisfied expression got Buds to frown deeply. Alright, there were a few things you can mess with his life. Insult his intelligence, his looks or standing... hell, he can take an insult directed towards his family members, but this was probably beyond that. Food! The damn bitch wasted his food! And disrespecting it by stepping on it as well!

He stood up, and with an open palm, shot towards the hated woman only to be blocked suddenly by the brown haired lady.

"You dare touch our lady with your..."

She never got to finish as there was a loud snapping sound of skin meeting skin. Her eyes widened as she watched Mikoto taking a step back, holding her cheek. Buds' other hand did what his blocked one could not. And he felt good about that.

"You..." she let go of his arm, and went straight towards the hurt Mikoto. "Mistress, are you alright?"

"Well, take that as a lesson," Buds muttered with a slight pride in his tone of voice. He slapped his hands together, like wiping out dust from them. "We're square."

Ignoring the other two women, he went straight towards Anko, who was mesmerized by the scene, still kneeling though. He went to one knee just so he could talk to her level, and asked, "Hey... how much was the food? I'll pay and get out of your hair."

Anko looked at him in panic. "You mad!? Get out of here!" she whispered hoarsely.

"What?" Buds smirked slightly. "Me and her are square. There is no real point anymore of..."

"Clare... get my whip! I am going to teach this son of a bitch a lesson!" Mikoto declared behind them.

"She's... kidding right?" Buds asked, looking back towards the flaming girl.

"No... she's very angry," Anko whispered.

"How angry?"

Soon, he found out how angry she was.

* * *

Buds burst through out the doors like a bat from hell. Behind him was that brown-haired lady (who he found out earlier, was named Clare) throwing needles at him. Behind Clare was Mikoto brandishing a very sharp steel whip, which she tried to use at him earlier.

She missed, but broke a wooden table in half. That's when Buds thought that maybe the slap was a wee bit excessive on his part.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to slap you!" Buds shouted as he dodged another swarm of throwing needles.

"Call the others! The bastard is going to pay!" Mikoto barked towards Clare, who nodded, and whistled. Buds wondered for a moment what that high pitch sound was, when he spotted many figures on the roof and around the streets, wearing black.

"What...? What the... AGH! You got to be kidding me!" he muttered as those figures suddenly started throwing needles at him too. It was much time before he finally took a hit... in his buttocks. He could only yelp in pain as he felt the sharp needle jab one of his nerves. And it seriously hurt.

Suddenly, he felt woozy, and in instinct, reached out towards the needle sticking out from his backside, and with force, pulled it out. He yelped again as the last slight painful sensation jabbed into his system again, but for some reason, he was slowly getting sluggish. He noticed more and more needles seem to be sticking out his arm, back, and for some reason, he could see the swirling silver linings, all going towards his back.

"Whoa... freaky..." he muttered as he looked at his hand. It was not straight anymore, but forming a large S. He waved it, and it acted like jelly, going up and down randomly. Before he knew it, he was on the ground, moving slightly left and right, the wind directing his phase.

Buds saw multiple black figures approaching him. He pointed his jelly like finger towards the group, and muttered "Hey, which of you hit me in my butt? That was not cool... it was kinda gay too."

He then noticed that most of them were... girls.

"Oh... I guess it's not gay anymore but a bit kinky... but still not cool..." he looked in the sky. "Hey... look. Jon Stewart's a cloud..."

"Make way, make way," Clare muttered. The crowd cleared quickly and both she and Mikoto looked down on the SI muttering about how green tea should get its own hard version. "Hmmm... overdosed slightly. He won't be able to add one plus one at that state."

"I beg your pardon!" Buds muttered. "One plus one is one!" He then smirked victoriously. "AHA! I got you!"

"Maybe we ought to be less than generous when putting those chemicals in the throwing needles," Mikoto looked towards the SI. "He looks stoned."

"What do you want to do with him, Mikoto-dono?"

"You know, seeing him like this takes out anything I was feeling earlier..." she replied. "Look... just carry him and get him out of here, I guess." She turned away. "I lost my temper..."

"You were in the righteous side, Mikoto-sama," Clare stated as she knelt down, and offered her hands to take the whip which the girl was still holding. But before she could take it away, Buds spoke once again.

"Oh... hey, it's the red head bitch," he laughed. "Hey! How's it going?"

Mikoto turned, her lips forming a thin line.

"Oh, hey!" Buds pointed at her. "Why do you have a rash shaped like a palm around your cheek? Did some mosquito bite you? Heh... I should pray for that insect. He'd have died after taking your blood."

"I changed my mind, all of the sudden."

And with a wielding hand, her steel whip struck hard and true towards Buds' knee, which he suddenly held dearly.

"TSSSSS!!!! Aaaahhhh..." he moaned, grabbing his newly cut knee, rocking back and forth. "Tssssss!!! Aaaaahhhh!" he moaned again.

Terribly Peter Griffin-like if I have to say so myself.

"It's good to see that he can still feel pain," Mikoto raised her arm again. "I guess this isn't too bad at all!"

"Stay that hand, Yakumo-san..."

And here came Buds' rescue for the day. No, it wasn't Superman, Spiderman, Wolverine, or any other superheroes from comics. The form of his savior wore a red and white hakama, her long nodachi glistening with the afternoon light. Her ebony hair shone with grace and elegance as she kept still, her weapon pointing towards Mikoto, who's arms were still raised, her pain inflicting weapon almost going back to make another cut towards Buds.

"Wow... you're good at this narrating thing... and you described her well," Buds muttered drunkenly.

Well, I try.

"Who... is she?" he asked, still amazed.

Well, Mikoto recognized her apparently... so I'll let her do the introduction.

"Aoyama Tsuruko," Mikoto greeted. "Why are you here?"

"Oh... wow... finally. This is actually Love Hina..." Buds whispered. Still drunkenly. "Wait a minute... is it me or does Tsuruko look..."

Young... yes, apparently. Wow... look at her. She looks like Motoko's age. Sixteen, seventeen?

"Son of a bitch..." Buds could only comment. "Her boobs don't look any different..."

They are probably in a bind you know, since she's practicing Kendo and all.

"Oh, yeah... yeah..." Buds paused slightly. "You know, we shouldn't talk... it may be getting the audience annoyed."

Right. Back to the story.

"I was on my way home when I spotted you chasing this poor man in the streets," Tsuruko replied to Mikoto's earlier question. "With forty of your ninja bodyguards, no less. This is highly excessive."

"Look what he did to my face!" Mikoto declared. "The man touched me! My allergy acted up! And called me names!"

"No matter, he is in a state of delirium," Tsuruko replied. "And it seems you have gotten your hits in. If you continue to persist hurting a downed person, prepare to face my blade!"

"Wow... she even talks like Motoko..." Buds whispered.

It probably comes from the family... or upbringing. Whatever. Mikoto looked towards Clare, who seemed to shake her head. Apparently, they both seem to realize that fighting her was not really an option, and with a few snap of her fingers, Clare called off the other needle throwing women away.

"I won't say that he fully got what was coming to him," Mikoto stared towards Tsuruko, and licked her lips. "But I'll let him go this time. As a favor for you."

"I appreciate your level-headedness. You may go on your way," Tsuruko stated dismissively. Mikoto could only stare for a moment, before she walked away. But even so, her eyes never strayed far from the samurai's, and the two looked at each other for a moment before they passed each other completely.

When it was clear Mikoto wasn't coming back, Tsuruko looked at her side. For the first time, Buds realized that Tsuruko was actually with someone else. It wasn't Motoko, her younger sister, but someone around her age as well. She sported a ponytail done in a bun, held by a few chopsticks, and her eyes held square spectacles seemingly too large for her face.

"Tsuko, check on the man," Tsuruko stated. "And let's leave this place."

"Yes, cousin," the nerdy girl stated. She was timid, introverted. Though the smoothness of her skin, and her rather loose clothing seemed to hide more than her what her exterior showed. Of course, Buds was too stoned to even notice as she bent down and looked at him.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"Wow... so... you must be the beautiful ugly nerd, who's shy, introverted, but when given a compliment, you blush easily its silly..." Buds muttered.

"Beautiful... me?" she blushed.

"Good god, this world's definitely clichéd..." he muttered before fainting.

**To Be Continued...**

* * *

Buds: Welcome to Buds'...!

Reiko: And Reiko's...!

Both:_SI NETWORK!_

Reiko: Now, as promised, we give you the cute and lovely Yuki Nagato!

Yuki: Hello.

Buds: Hey!

Reiko: Yeah, hey! So, what does it feel like kicking Buds' ass?

Yuki: -silent, looking confused-

Buds: Um... so, anyways, how did you become an SI...

Reiko: -cuts- No! No! Too boring! Yuki, what's your favorite movie?

Yuki: -looking at them blankly-

Buds: Wow... uh... this is awkward.

Reiko: No kidding. Maybe we ought to close this short? I mean... seriously. Next time, I'll have her go out with me, and have a girl's day off. Then maybe she'll have more answers to my questions. Alright! People! That's a wrap.

Background: Alright, lights out. Shut the camera...

Buds: So... Yuki, what's the newest book you read?

Yuki: -suddenly brightens up- Oh, I am reading...

Reiko: Oh, guys, wait wait! She's talking! She's...

-Camera turned off...-

Reiko: That... sucks.

* * *

Next:

Buds wakes up in the Aoyama home... and realizes that he needs a job, a place to stay, and food! But to his luck, the Aoyama's are actually hiring some bodyguards for their family members! But there's a catch... an interview! And not just any interview... an interview of... Hell! Well, not hell... but it can be if you were taking it. NEXT!


	6. Chapter 6

Buds rubbed his shoulders, feeling the itch beneath the white tight fitting outfit he was wearing, partly wondering why in God's name he was out in the middle of the sun listening to birds chirping.

Oh, right, he thought. He was guarding his charge.

He took a look behind him, and watched as Tsuruko kneeled, meditating with her sword on her lap. She always did this at least two hours each day after an intense katas and road work. Part of his job means he has to be awake before she is, and stand guard while she does her morning ritual. Failure to comply? Well. . .

Two days ago, first day for the job, when she woke up earlier than he did she dumped a bucket of water on him. It was ice cold. And it got worse afterwards.

Why ever she needed a bodyguard is beyond him though. If he remembered correctly, she is one of the most fearsome swords master in this world. Did she really need a slightly overweight guy like him shadowing her? He had better things to do than make his legs sore trying to keep up with her as she jogged around the grounds. While, yes, it's fun to watch her practice on a straw dummy or be slight captivated by her dance-like kata, he wished to be back at his futon, sleep. Sweet sleep.

He heard a rustle. Buds turned from his thoughts, watched as she slowly stood up from her position walking to his direction. He waited until she passed him before she followed, a movement that was drilled to his head when he was given the job.

Always let her lead, but always follow closely, they said.

Yeah. Follow her lead to bake out to the sun, while trying getting feeling back on his legs and missing sleep.

Normally, Buds would groan out loud. He would say something snide, nothing directly rude, but enough to display his malcontent. But he didn't. He was quiet, for a lot of reasons. One, he owed her. When he was chased by angry man hating mob of women, drugged his ass out, literally, she came in and rescued him. Two, her family had hired him because of Tsuko, Tsuruko's cute friend who wore glasses had pleaded on his behalf when she found out that he had nowhere to stay. The family gave him lodgings, food, and a salary to boot.

And finally, three, last time he became a bit sarcastic, Tsuruko 'accidentally' hit him across the knee with a shinai. And it really, really hurt.

"I shall bathe," Tsuruko declared as they walked. "You are not to follow. Meet me at the front gate. And do clean yourself. Your hair looks like it just came out of a futon."

Of course it did, princess, you woke up at four in the frigging morning!

That's what he thought. Out loud, he just said, "Yes, ma'am."

She turned and looked at him, giving him a somewhat penetrative glance, like she could see what lurked behind his thoughts, then took a right, leaving him.

Buds kept walking for a minute before he gave a long sigh. He preferred the scary Tsuruko from the manga. God knows he had met a lot of scary women to desensitize him. But he couldn't handle Tsuruko as she was now. Now, she was younger. And as much as she was a disciplined teen, whenever she tried to speak down to him, it was very much like a much understated teenage bubblehead complaining she didn't get what she wanted for her sweet sixteenth.

'God, she may be even worse than Motoko,' he thought.

"Morning!" a voice greeted right behind him, loud enough to surprise an unsuspecting fellow.

Buds wasn't caught unawares, though. Tsuko always greeted him this way, every morning. Of course, that didn't mean he jumped five feet in the air the first time she greeted him that way. Turning around and giving her an honest smile, he said, "Morning to you too, Tsuko-san. How are you today?"

"Fine. How about you? You look like you wrestled some turtles this morning."

Buds blinked. Turtles. "Oh, nothing. . . just Aoyama-sama's morning ritual."

"Heh," she smirked. "So, how did she wake you up this time? Classic water bucket? Maybe the harmless snake on your futon?"

"For your info, I woke up early today to greet her," he replied smoothly.

Tsuko smirked. "Ah. So the shinai whack on your buttocks did the trick eh?"

Buds felt himself flush. There was probably nothing more humiliating than screaming at four in the morning, holding unto his butt for life.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said.

"Of course," she replied smoothly, but not without a knowing smirk.

For a moment, he contemplated on answering back but instead stole a glance to Tsuki. Her face shone with sweat, though her glasses were considerably dry, and along with her usual red and white hakama, she looked like she wrestled a few turtles herself. She probably did her own morning routine.

"It's her first day of class," Tsuko said. "I'm supposed to advise you to not draw attention to yourself, and not embarrass her."

Buds scowled. The sun began to work its way up, upping the heat to an even more uncomfortable temperature. Worse, the washed walls and grounds reflected the light in a warm white glow that wasn't bright enough to blind, but still enough to make him squint. Sleepy, thirsty and sweating wasn't improving his mood.

"I still don't know why I have to follow her royal bratness to her school."

Tsuko looked at him for a moment. "Royal Bratness?"

"I had another name, but I didn't want to offend you," Buds replied.

"She's just making sure that you are doing your duty, and in turn, not embarrass her," she said. "What would people say if her body guard was a no show, late, always looked sloppy and etcetera?"

"I don't even know why she even needs a bodyguard," Buds sighed as he reached his lodgings. "She can beat me blindfolded, with two arms tied behind her back." He looked at his friend. "Frankly speaking, you could too."

"Well, yeah, I guess I am stronger than you on," Tsuko seemed to ponder to what Buds said, and suddenly poked him on his side. "So, unless you want me to kick your behind, go do what Tsuruko wants, and meet her at the front gate. Take care!"

Buds felt a smile tug along his lips as she waved and left. He half wondered if he should just tell her that he may not be doing the family any favors by hiring a weakling like him to bodyguard their heir, and it would probably be much better if he was assigned to another job. Preferably somewhere far from Tsuruko.

He could take care of the garden.

Buds managed not to laugh as he entered his lodgings. Gardening. Really? He could barely grow grass.

As he prepared a set of clothes to wear (mostly slacks, a white shirt, and a black jacket that fit him a bit snugly), he took a look outside his window, and saw a nice wide view of the Aoyama grounds. As he found out, the grounds were divided into three main areas.

The biggest is the heart of the Aoyama grounds, where the family and students chosen by the family lived. It is basically where the whole clan started, being the oldest and most maintained territory. It was situated in the very center, surrounded by the other quarters. The next biggest area situated southeast is where the family soldiers lived, mostly hired out as hired hands. They are the, as Tsuki described, the main source of income for the family.

Both areas are predominantly made up of women, young and old.

And the third, most western and smallest area is where they keep those who are mostly guests and of course, also those neither female nor family. Obviously, that's where he stayed.

Buds found the segregation of females and males a little bothering, but he let it be when he saw that he was being given a moderately sized room, and his own bathroom. He liked his privacy. Besides, sharing rooms with sword-swinging females in a Manga-Anime world that is filled with violent women wasn't something he'd rather be in the middle of. Unless it's specifically an H-Game. . .

* * *

_Tsuruko looks at you. She blushes. "(Player), why are you staring at me like that?" _

_= "Its nothing"_

_= *"Its because you are beautiful…" *_

_= (say nothing)_

_Tsuruko blushes even more. "I've never had someone tell me that before…" She is unsure on what to do. _

_= "You can smile."_

_= *(hug her)*_

_= (say nothing)_

_Tsuruko suddenly turns to a demon. "PERVERT!" _

_**Game Over**_

_** + Continue**_

_**+ Main Menu**_

* * *

Buds snorted as he turned the shower on. Oh yeah, that is the info that Yuki, the cute little SI Killer, would want him to gather. How an H-Game works. Besides, if he remembered it correctly, it should be 'load save file'. One had to continue from their last save. No checkpoints.

He adjusted the temperature of the shower as he worked on lather, wondering how long he's supposed to stay on this world. He felt a bit naked without Reiko, without his Keyboard. He's only been on this world for three days and he's already worrying. It didn't bode well if he had to keep doing this. He took a look at his left arm, where his Keyboard would have been.

Strictly speaking, having a familiar like Reiko wasn't necessary to use his protocols. It would have just made it easier for him, though. She could, with a vocal command, initiate any protocol without having him typing it to his Keyboard. Of course, he had no familiar, and no Keyboard. Yet, he couldn't help but let his fingers on his right hand began to tap on his left forearm, as he muttered "Slash-initialize. Extraction."

Nothing. Of course there was nothing. Yuki took his protocols, his Keyboard. He was on his own, until she deemed that she had enough data to go through and pick him up.

Buds sighed as he began to wash off. Oh yeah. Definitely no checkpoints.

* * *

Tsuruko and two other Aoyama students approached the front gate about three minutes after Buds had arrived. While the two other girls wore the same white-red hakama, he was surprised to see Tsuruko wearing a dark blue school uniform. It was already hard to picture Tsuruko in anything but a white-red hakama. She had made one hell of an impression in that arc. Tsuruko was already drop-dead gorgeous. Now, it was even harder not to stare as she looked like now. A sixteen year old school girl, complete with uniform. Plus the way she moved. . .

Buds swallowed. Hard.

She looked like eighteen, old enough to know better, but young enough not to care. Her chest seemed to stretch the clothing far enough to make any man's imagination run, yet covered enough to make it, if possible, more tantalizing. Worse were her legs. Slightly muscled and developed, yet lean and feminine. And very damn inviting.

Buds had to remind himself that this woman knew how to handle an oversized blade and if any Love Hina chapters indicated, had one hell of a temper. He had to remind himself that all she needed was a flick of a wrist, and she could cut a straight truck in half. He had to remind him, lastly, that she can and will make his life living hell if he did anything to offend her. Focus on her face, he thought. Then he realized that too was distracting, and he focused on her hair

She looked at him for a moment, raised an eyebrow, and for a moment, Buds wondered if maybe just staring at her was a sign of hostility on her part, and tensed. He only relaxed when she gave a satisfied nod.

"You cleaned up," she greeted. "And you did not even make me wait. Good." She stopped beside him. "This is a better performance than earlier. Keep it up." With that, she signaled her companions, who bowed and left them on their own devices.

Buds stole a glance, curious where they went, but Tsuruko called his attention once again.

"Once we arrive, keep your back straight, and keep silent. Do not stare, ogle or otherwise do anything untoward to any of the females in the academy. If you do, I'll be honor bound to punish you," she stated calmly. She turned, and gave him a pretty good glare. "Quite severely, I may add."

Buds hoped she didn't hear him swallow.

"Yes ma'am," he replied. He doubted he'd do anything perverted. After all, other than Tsuruko, everyone else will look like normal sixteen year old school girls. He was pretty sure most had acne or some other indications that they weren't, well. . . ripe.

Tsuruko didn't reply, and just looked forward. She straightened out her sleeve and waited. Buds was about to ask what they were exactly waiting for, when he heard a rumble of engine and the crack of stones shifting.

Stopping in front of them was a black Mercedes, newly cleaned and waxed.

Buds blinked.

He had thought Tsuruko would just walk to her Academy, like in the manga when he travelled to Hinata-sou, but then dismissed the idea. He doubted she had walked all the way to Hinata-sou from Kyoto. Besides, the Aoyama family was rich, and to have their heir be brought to school in a luxury car wasn't that farfetched.

He moved before Tsuruko could say anything. Opening the rear door on the passenger side, he held it for his charge, who nodded approvingly. Once she got in, he closed the door gently, and made himself on the front passenger side.

The interior matched the outside in terms of cleanliness. The black leather dashboard shone, not a speck of watermarks or any damages on the sides of the wall. The scent of pine was apparent, but not overdone. The car was treated with love, and someone was doing a very good job on keeping it in great condition. He stole a glance at the driver on his side. Another woman (surprise, surprise) gave him a casual glance.

From her demeanor, it was obvious she was doing this for a long time. She was dressed up like a professional to boot. She wore white gloves and a suit, impeccably clean and ironed, if the smell of fresh linen was an indicator. She seemed to appraise him for a second, and then turned back, eyes front, never speaking. All she did was shift into gear, and slowly drove away from the compound, without even a word.

Her movements were economical, no wasted motion as she slowly eased through the gravel road until they reached the edge of the gates. She slowly and smoothly turned left, finally entering a stretch of asphalt road.

She paused a bit, and moved her neck slightly, creating sounds cracking of bones. And before Buds could blink, he suddenly felt a jolt of motion as the driver suddenly revved up the engine and accelerated in speeds that pushed him back to the support of the comfortable leather seat.

He didn't know what the hell just happened. He didn't know that his hand was clutching his seat in a vice grip. He didn't even know that he held on to his breath. All he knew was a psycho was on the wheel as she weaved through the moderately congested highway at almost breakneck speed. Worse, Tsuruko looked bored in the back, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

He began to wonder if the Aoyama family had insurance covered for him in case of vehicular accidents.

When the car finally stopped in front of the Academy, the driver finally showed some emotions, smiling as she looked at him.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Are you insane!" Buds demanded, voice cracking almost into a whine. The driver didn't even seem phased.

"You should see how my father drives," she smirked. She motioned Tsuruko at the back, and raised an eyebrow, signaling him to move. "Don't keep her waiting."

Buds stepped out, only to wobble for a second. He had to support himself up using his arms and the door, but quickly controlled his legs. He heard a snort of laughter coming from the driver, tempting to flip the bird at her but squashed it in favor of steadying his feet. He opened the door for Tsuruko, who came out looking at him with a raised eyebrow. There was a little tug on her cheeks and lips, almost forming an amused smile.

Buds just sighed.

"Please tell me we're not going home like that," he muttered.

"Why, bodyguard-san? Do not tell me that you cannot handle something a 'royal brat' like me could?" she asked.

Buds blinked. "Tsuko-san. . . told you?" When she nodded, he could only sigh. "Seriously?"

"You forget that Tsuko has been my friend long before you met her," she replied. She straightened out her skirt, and grabbed her sword. "As much as she likes you, she does not keep secrets from me. Just be glad you only stopped at 'brat'. It could have been worse, and called me by that 'other name'."

"I suppose apologizing now isn't going to cut it," Buds muttered as Tsuruko moved out of the way so he could close the door.

"It could have been worse," Tsuruko replied as she straightened her skirt. Again. "It would have been her father. Now, straighten yourself out. You are not only representing me, but also the Aoyama family."

"Yes ma'am," Buds replied and stood a bit behind her on her left. He then looked at the Academy that Tsuruko was attending (he didn't catch the name), and smiled.

It was a typical 'school', definitely built for the rich. He wouldn't be surprised if it had multiple swimming pools, gymnasiums, a soccer court, a full library, and its classrooms built with central air conditioning. But whoever designed this place had taste. White washed walls, contrasted with red bricks, each building interconnected via walkways with glass roofs, all surrounding the grounds that looked expensive to maintain, with grass, trees, and flowers of different colors forming the Academy shield front and center. And of course, it wouldn't be complete with a clock tower right behind that.

"Nice place," Buds heard himself say as he began to walk with Tsuruko, entering the grounds. It wasn't Mahora Academy, but then, that was a league of its own. "Do I even want to know how someone new would know where to – crap!"

Tsuruko stopped, and turned to him, confused and questioning. "What is it?"

Buds glanced at his side for a few seconds, trying to register what he was seeing. Red head, brunette, blondes, blue and pink hair, hips of different yet tantalizing sizes, legs that seemed to stretch, and. . . he stopped before he could think further.

Tsuruko glanced around her, and realized something. She only gave him a look that promised unimaginable pain. Worse were her next words which were utterly neutral. "Is there going to be a problem?"

Her hand then went towards the hilt of her sword, tapping it with emphasis.

He immediately shook his head. "Nothing ma'am. Sorry ma'am."

She didn't reply. She just turned around and continued walking, her hand still visible on her sword.

Buds could only continue and follow her. How could he have been so stupid? He was at Ken Akamatsu's universe. That meant all females around sixteen were nubile super models.

* * *

Always one bad situation to another, Buds thought. Bad enough he's got a younger Tsuruko as his boss, who attended a school full of beautiful adult looking school girls, her next stop was at the gymnasium filled with more girls, this time in bloomers. Worse yet, they were already working up a sweat, jogging in the indoor track field.

"Can I stay outside? Please?" Buds pleaded. Tsuruko's only response was to visibly grip the handle of her sword hard enough that he could make out the faint creaks of tortured leather, so he did his best to shut up.

The girls seemed to have spotted Tsuruko, and the pair of leaders waved their hands, began signaling the rest to follow. In an orderly and practiced action, they began to form two straight parallel lines, and bowed to her automatically.

"Aoyama-sama. Good morning!" they all greeted.

"Good morning," Tsuruko greeted back, and looked at one of the girls with curly shoulder cut red hair. "Miyabi, how is the training progressing."

"Smoothly, sempai," Miyabie replied. "We'd be ready for the next tournament."

"Excellent. If I remember correctly, it will be within four weeks, right?"

"Correct," Miyabi nodded. It took her a second, but she looked towards Buds curiously. "Sempai, who is this?"

Tsuruko gave Buds a glance, and motioned him to step forward. Buds gave her a questioning look for a second before he stepped forward, hoping he was giving her the friendliest smile he could muster as offered his right hand.

"My name is Buds. I'm, uh, been assigned as Aoyama-sama's bodyguard."

Miyabi raised an eyebrow, looking at his hand for a moment before she accepted it. A whispered groan escaped Buds' lips as he winced when her grip turned vice-like.

"I didn't think sempai needed a bodyguard," she replied, not acting particularly caring that the boy began to twitch.

"Uh, her family hired me, and Aoyama-sama treats me, uhg. . . well."

Her lips began to tug up her cheeks as her grip tightened even more. Buds swallowed the audible complaint that was about to escape his mouth as his teeth began to grind at each other.

"Of course she does," Miyabi said. "Nice grip by the way."

"Yours is much better though," Buds replied, his voice now really straining. "Bet you got guys coming in you in droves." He paused. "Uh, just in case I offended you, it was a joke."

Her smile became more pronounced, but to Buds relief, her grip loosened to a more manageable levels. Buds could only sigh silently in relief as she finally shook his hand.

"Please to meet you. Sempai gave you the warning?" Miyabi asked.

"Ow. . . Wait, warning?"

Her answer was pointing back at Tsuruko, who once again tapped the hilt of her sword. Buds looked back to Miyabi and gave her a nod.

"Oh. Yeah. No ogling, or anything untoward," Buds replied.

"You can ogle me!" a voice muttered from the group somewhere.

"Don't give my ideas," Buds replied jokingly, hoping it was a good move. It was. It earned a small laughter from the group.

Tsuruko just nodded. "Settle down," she said, and the group once again stood in attention. "He is correct. He is currently assigned as my bodyguard, so do not be alarmed or surprised when you see him around time to time. And if he misbehaves, you tell me immediately."

She then turned to Buds. "I have things to discuss with them. You may wait for me at the entrance."

"Yes ma'am," the boy replied, and made his way. On the way out, Buds could hear a hushed 'I like him' and felt satisfied with the encounter. Tsuruko didn't look angry, and they didn't attack him. The group itself was a bit of a relief as they were. . . normal. No boy hating phrase, no shouts of 'pervert', and had a good sense of humor. Thank God for the last one because he didn't think his hand would have survived.

His hand throbbed enough to distract him until he finally reached the entrance and spotted a familiar face not far from the entrance; a woman with long curly blond hair. Not a student, though. She looked a bit older. And instead of a school uniform, she wore a tight fitting shirt, an above length knee skirt with dark pants underneath. Buds blinked. He didn't think he'd be seeing her again.

"Hey, long time," she greeted.

"Two days is not a long time, Anko" Buds replied, almost smiling before his eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Uh. . . is she. . .?"

"Mistress isn't with me," she said. "She's got classes, and she was already late. Heard about you being hired by the Aoyama. Nice."

Buds shook his head, his smile now unrestrained. "Someone took pity on me. Ironically, your mistress chasing me out directed me to the Aoyama's. . . though I was too bonked out to remember. All I remember after the chase was waking up in a futon, being guarded by some scary looking women with big swords, and after that, told I was hired to be a bodyguard." He paused. "Maybe I owe her one."

"Maybe," Anko nodded. "But it's good you found something stable to spend your time here. Nagato-san would have pulled you out if all you did was wandering the countryside."

Buds blinked. "Nagato-san?"

"Yeah. Nagato Yuki-san."

For a moment, Buds felt numb. His mind was surprisingly blank to what felt like an hour, before he suddenly felt a familiar emotion. He suddenly felt the hairs on his arms standing up as ice slithered down his spine. Unknown to him, he shifted his stance, his left knee bent a bit with his foot turning slightly towards the right. His breathing began to get irregular as he raised his arms in a defensive position, his elbows bending outwards. His eyes squinted as he tried to scan his surroundings, as he tried to see if he was being surrounded.

Anko raised her hands. "Whoa there, SI. Just came here to talk."

Buds gritted his teeth. "SIK?"

"Yup," Anko declared. "Not the Alpha-type, like Nagato-san, though. You know what Alpha-types are right?"

"Direct confrontational SIK, with power levels that go beyond human," Buds said. "Sometimes beyond SI protocols." Also reputed to have the worse tempers; those were the SIKs that he wanted to avoid the most. Unless prepared with proper or counter-active protocols, any SI would deem it suicide to face any of them.

Sometimes, he felt lucky that the Alpha-type SIK Yuki wasn't human. If she was, he'd have been killed. Horribly.

"Doesn't mean you aren't dangerous to me, Anko-san," he replied back. He had every right to be cautious. SIKs of any archetypes are, as a rule, hazardous to an SI's health. All it took was a blade in the neck, or a bullet. SI, no matter the imagination and protocol used around that imagination, caught unprepared was as dead as any other.

She smiled as if reading his thoughts. "I'll take your nervousness as a compliment. Still, considering that Nagato-san had taken your Keyboard, I'm guessing you don't like your odds. Are you trying to guess if I have hidden weaponry?"

Buds looked at her from head to toe. Her tight fitting outfit may have concealed one or two knives, though rubber shoes didn't seem to be the type of to have a blade hidden at the toe. "Are you?" he finally asked.

"Relax. If I wanted you dead, I'd have poisoned your meal when you first stumbled upon Mistress' back yard," Anko said, leaning towards a pillar near the entrance. "Just here to talk."

Buds frowned, but nervously nodded. He walked towards the opposite pillar, facing hers. He placed his arms down, but still kept alert.

"You were informed of my coming," Buds ventured. "You probably kept an eye on me when I first arrived. It was probably no coincidence that you invited me in your restaurant-bar-whatever. You were gauging me." He paused for a moment. "Did I fail? Is that why you set your mistress against me?"

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes and no," Anko relaxed, crossing her arms to her chest. "Nagato-san did advise she was sending an SI to this universe, though why she didn't kill you kinda confused us a bit. Still, we owed her a few favors. She promised us she stripped you of your Keyboard, and wanted reports on your progress. And no, I didn't set my mistress on you. That was surprisingly all you."

"Great," Buds muttered. "First bad thing that happens to me was entirely my fault, that it?"

"You slapped her," she replied.

"She stepped on food!" he exclaimed. "She may be rich, but that's just disrespectful!"

"You slapped a rich and powerful male-hating teenager surrounded by her bodyguards, and you didn't think that it would bring you trouble?"

Buds' mouth opened to protest, but immediately thought otherwise. "You may have a point."

"Of course. And another thing, your cover story sucks," Anko said.

"Ah. . . didn't buy the whole 'hitched from a car' or something?"

"Truck. Gods, you can't even remember your own alibi," Anko looked somewhat frustrated. "How many worlds have you travelled so far?"

"Uh. . . eleven, maybe twelve?"

"And you survived this long. . . how?" she asked slowly.

"Look, when I travel, I usually have my protocols with me. It allows me to blend in, not be noticed, and stuff," he stated. "I don't have my protocols! I was kicked through a wormhole, woke up in an unfriendly environment, hungry and dehydrated, and my first comfort was taken away from me from a said male hating teenager who apparently owned the place where I was dropped to. So, yeah, cut me some slack."

Anko looked like she was about to reply, but then decided to smile. Then, after a minute, soft laughter came from her lips.

"What?" Buds asked.

"Nothing, just us," Anko remarked. "On any other day, I'd have already tried to stab you, poison you, or just basically told my mistress that you had 'touched' me, and have you face her wrath. And yet here we are. I'm an SIK. You're an SI. What are we doing? Talking."

"What, you don't talk to other SIs?"

"We don't talk with you guys," she replied with a meaningful look. "Too busy hoping that the SI we're hunting was too slow to even activate protocols that would wipe us out, and kill him or her quickly." She sighed. "I'm still uncomfortable knowing that there's an SI here. Instinct says I should walk to you, break your neck and be done with it. She's too kind."

"Who?" Buds asked.

"Nagato Yuki-san," Anko replied. "She sent you to a world where she knew well enough that you'll be safe from us. Any other world, any announcement of an SI would have created a hunting party. And depending where you have landed, you'd have been killed. Or worse." She shook her head. "I already sent a progress report. Hopefully, she'll take what I have said in to consideration. Meanwhile, I think its best you to stay away from me."

Buds frowned. "Anko-san, I'm not the bad guy."

Her laugh came out rough with a hint of bitterness. "I have heard many of you say that to me many times. It's usually before I snuff them out of this universe. So, I say again: stay away from me."

"Is there a problem here, Anko-san?" Tsuruko suddenly declared, approaching them almost silently, her eyes narrowing.

Buds blinked, and looked back at the entrance of the gymnasium. How long was Tsuruko there? Worse, how much did she hear?

Anko looked at her, and then shook her head. "No, Aoyama-san. Nothing at all." And with that, she left.

Tsuruko looked at the retreating figure for a moment, then back at her bodyguard. "Will there be trouble, bodyguard-san?"

Buds looked at her and then looked at the retreating Anko, contemplating her words. "I'm not too sure, Aoyama-sama." He looked back at her. "Anko-san revealed something. . . surprising."

"I suggest you avoid her," Tsuruko declared. "She is Mikoto-san's aide. And while at my care you are protected from her wrath directly, she can still strike you by other means."

Buds frowned. "I'm pretty sure the psycho-lady forgot all about me already."

Tsuruko's left eyebrow rose at Buds 'psycho-lady' quip, but shook her head. "I have known Mikoto-san for a very long time. She is not a woman who will forget and forgive easily. If she is sending Anko-san to you, it would seem that you, and by extension, me, will be having serious problems."

"Ma'am, I don't mean to be rude, but you're wrong," Buds replied. "I believe it's definitely something else."

Tsuruko stared at him for a moment, and then sighed. "Do you know how to fight?"

Buds blinked. "Uh. . . I'm, uh, not skilled as you are, I guess."

"Then you do have some competence in martial arts?" Tsuruko narrowed her eyes. "I need an honest answer here, bodyguard-san. Do not lie to try and impress me."

Buds frowned. She wanted honesty? Fine. "I know western boxing, Filipino Arnis, and have rudimentary skills in both Taekwondo and Aikido."

Tsuruko nodded, and then indicated Buds to follow her. As she walked, she said, "I shall speak with Tsuko. She will supervise in training your foundation."

Buds stopped on his tracks. "Wait, my what?" he asked for a moment, before he realized Tsuruko wasn't waiting for him and had to sprint a bit to catch up with her. "Ma'am, I don't quite understand. What do you mean?"

"You will follow her explicit instructions as if they were my own," Tsuruko continued, ignoring the question. "Any insubordination, you will face not only my wrath, but hers as well."

"Wait, Aoyama-sama, please," Buds tempted to grab her shoulder, but he like both his arms. "Training for what?"

Tsuruko stopped, and looked at him with a slightly annoyed expression. "I am having Tsuko train you to be more adequate to defend yourself. Is that understandable enough?"

"Ma'am, like I said earlier-"

And he didn't finish because Tsuruko cut him off, and much to his surprise, it wasn't with words. All she did was step closer to Buds, but instead of the calm walk she usually did, she took an aggressive stance. Her elbows were slightly bent, shoulders hunching slightly, her eyes narrowing with eyebrows drawing together. When she was just a hairbreadth's distance, Buds could feel an electrical current singeing the air.

He felt a shiver run up his spine as he wisely shut up.

"I do not think you understand, Buds-san," she whispered. Yet her whisper was enough to draw his full attention. Her words rang with command and clarity, and a threat that if he said anything, it could be the last he would say to anyone. "You may believe that Anko-san isn't a threat to you. I believe you are naïve. Granted, I could be wrong, but I am not willing to lose someone I have employed, ultimately someone under my responsibility because I apparently may not have enough foresight to see an obvious aggressive move by a rival family."

Buds swallowed. He didn't know if talking was smart, especially when Tsuruko seemed riled up already. "Ma'am, uh. . . permission to speak?"

Tsuruko's eyes narrowed even further, and took a step back. "Go ahead."

"Ma'am, I'm your bodyguard," Buds stated slowly. "Granted, you don't need one, but still, your bodyguard. If I get hurt in the process, why would that fall under your responsibility? Your safety is my job, my concern."

Tsuruko sighed. "It is your duty to watch for my life and safety, that much is true. However, we both know you were hired because of Tsuko. She has been a wonderful friend, and for some reason, treats you as one. She hired you when she knew you had nowhere else to go. She believes that assigning you to me would most likely keep you safe. While she may understand that if you fall while doing your job, you did your duty. However, I doubt she would forgive me if I didn't watch out for you either. So do not question this, Buds-san. I want Tsuko to build your foundation. And you will train follow her lead. Understood?"

Well, crap, Buds thought. He had no idea what he meant by 'foundation', nor felt brave enough to ask questions to her. All he could do was reply with a "Yes ma'am," and follow her when she continued on her way.

* * *

_**AN: **_

_**Its been a while since I even explored options to continue this story, then I realized I could use this to bridge a new story out of this. Laying out a foundation to explore something I feel could be special. Of course, considering its an SI fic, I'll always feel its going to be 'special'. Unfortunately, much was lost on my last computer, regarding this chapter. I had another layout and plan for the story, but now I felt it was a good thing I lost that chapter. My writing style has been leaning to a different direction, and I'm going to try and improve quality. I hope you guys enjoy this, and if any are still following the storyline, hope you enjoy what I got plan for our little SI. **_

_**Edited the chapter.  
**_


	7. Chapter 7

"Buds-san, get up."

The SI could only grunt as he tried to control his breathing. His arms and legs were numb, and his lungs were burning. Damn, he knew he was out of shape, but he didn't think it was this bad. Kneeling down on the ground, he could barely look up to see Tsuko (looking pretty tall from his perspective).

She wore the same red and white Aoyama uniform, though her sleeves were folded and tied above elbow. She had a shinai on her waist, and her ponytailed hair was peeking at her left shoulder. Her round glasses looked a bit off, especially when she was trying to mirror Tsuruko's neutral glance. The nuanced worry on the lines of her forehead gave her feelings away, though. She looked like she was regretting putting him through some serious hell under Tsuruko's orders to 'train his foundation'.

He could use that.

"Tsuko-san. . . come. . . on. . ." Buds tried to reply, taking deep breathes almost after every word. "You. . . never. . . made. . . run. . . that fast. Its. . . a bit much. . . isn't it?"

"If you have enough energy to talk that much, Buds-san, you have enough energy to finish your run," Tsuko declared.

"You're. . . a slave driver. . . you know that?"

Tsuko just gave him a smile. "Buds-san. You are this close in finishing your run. Do you want me to increase it a bit more?"

Buds swallowed. "How about. . . some motivation? Like. . . a reward, if I finish the. . . road work?"

Tsuko blinked, and put two of her hands on her hips. "Reward?" she asked with a slight exasperation on her tone. "What kind?"

"I'd settle. . . for a kiss," Buds smiled at her.

Tsuko's form slackened a bit, as if she was struck though only for a second though. She immediately gave him half a glare, and half a smirk. "I have a shinai with me, Buds-san. And from your prone position, I know the perfect place where to utilize it."

Buds almost laughed. He bought a few seconds he needed as he finally got more feeling on his leg, stood up, and jogged back to the Aoyama compound finishing his roadwork for the day.

"I'd. . . go for. . . cheerleaders or. . . flying confetti," Buds muttered as he sat down in one of the stone benches inside the grounds.

Tsuko looked at him, and shook her head. "Don't forget your stretches. And Tsuruko-sama will be waiting for you at the front gate."

"Aye-aye, Tsuko-san," Buds replied, finally catching his breath. "If I tell you right now that you are the prettiest woman who I ever seen, would you take it easier on me tomorrow?"

Tsuko raised an eyebrow. . . and her shinai. Buds raised his hands defensively.

"Whoa, whoa, joke Tsuko-dono. Please don't punish me!"

"You're hopless," she just said. She gently poked the shinai gently at his arm, and said, "Don't make her wait," and left Buds to his devices.

He never saw Tsuko blush.

Buds ended that morning's training with a little more stretching before he left to his quarters, and went straight for the shower. He was tempted to take a cold one but he opted to take a warmer shower as per Tsuko's suggestion, and as the warm water began to hit his body, he thought back to the day when his training began.

It was a week ago, to be exact, the very same day Tsuruko had told him to follow Tsuko's supervision to 'train the foundation'. When they had gone home that day, Tsuko had visited him at his lodgings, and explained to him the basic tenets of Shinmei-ryū.

"A sword is nothing but a tool. The real weapon is the mind and body who holds it. A practitioner is the one that that gives the sword its value and its soul," she had said. "There are five characteristics that build a practitioner's foundation: flexibility, speed, strength, endurance, and spiritual fortitude."

"Basically, the foundation is one's body," Buds had replied.

"Exactly."

Well, it couldn't get any more obvious than that. Besides, Buds had read far enough at Negima to know that she was not kidding. Most Aoyama practitioners he knew had the almost ridiculous ability to negate projectiles, skilled with not just the sword but with other weapons (including mop decks and chopsticks if he remembered correctly). They were also pretty dangerous unarmed, using simple karate-do disciplines to advanced grappling techniques.

After her short introduction of Shinmei-ryū philosophy, Tsuko had led him into the Aoyama grounds, the same area where Tsuruko did her morning katas and had given him two sticks so he could demonstrate what he knew.

Buds tried to get the feeling of his old form back. Making sure his feet were spaced, and his toes slightly bouncing, he slowly practiced the sixteen basic strikes of Arnis. Afterwards, he began to do katas, using multiple hits while keeping his legs on the move after each strike.

He had heard that retraining in martial arts is like riding a bike; that the muscle memory still lingers and after a few moments, he would remember how he was supposed to strike, where he was supposed to move. Either that was a lie, or Buds was really unlucky. Even doing the forms he had known, his body didn't feel like they registered. His strikes always seemed off, and his foot positioning was all over the place. Thankfully, Tsuko was knowledgeable enough to see what Buds was doing.

"Combining two fighting forms," she had said. "Complicated."

Buds had smiled a bit. "I already had gotten it down to a comfortable level before I. . . well. . ."

"Let yourself go?" Tsuko had suggested. "Okay. I know where to start then."

And started, they did. The first three days weren't so bad. She allocated morning training, before Tsuruko had to go to the Academy, with stretching exercises as warm ups before explaining to him the workout that consisted of developing his lower body.

She made him do squatting steps to lower his center of gravity and strengthen his legs, with his arms tied to his back of his neck, as the first aspect of training. Second was roadwork to build endurance, alternating with brisk power walks and jogging for cardio.

At the Academy, Buds had thought he could relax a bit. But Tsuruko had other ideas. She ordered him to the gymnasium while she started her classes, and advised Miyabi to have the girls use their free time to make sure Buds wasn't slacking. And if he was, well. . .

"You really don't want to know, bodyguard-san," Tsuruko had declared.

At first, he thought he could continue his leg training, but when he realized that he was going to be stuck there until late afternoon he began to practice his sixteen strikes and his stances, trying to get the feel of how they were supposed to be executed, and kept doing stretches as a downtime. At the same time, he practiced jabs, hooks and straights.

Miyabi was a delight to talk to. A year younger than Tsuruko, she is vice captain of. . . well, Buds was never too sure. She had explained that it wasn't the average kendo club and Tsuruko created a place that would teach the basics and philosophy of Shinmei-ryū. Anyone who was interested was allowed to join in. All that was required was enough self discipline to complete the activities with the group and while they were not as intensive as the training he was receiving, it had enough to help anyone keep in shape.

He had also met Mayumi, the girl who joked about being okay to be ogled by him. She had a flirty personality, but it really came out more 'friendly' than intimate, and she was one of the few who would talk to him openly. While others had guarded their words or actions around him, she would gossip little things with him, and she was a well of knowledge ranging from relationships between students and where the best place to play arcade near the academy.

The latter was pretty good info. Besides, it was rare to see some honest to goodness female gamers.

Going home, Tsuko continued the training, this time conditioning his upper body. She gave him a pair of grippers to work on his grip, and gave him a pair of weighted sticks (and advised him to carry them with him, and always use them for training) to practice his strikes, had him do pushups (with varying leverage so he could complete a set), and also sit ups.

For three days, the working regiment was tough but doable. Everything was done to slowly ease his body to build up stamina and strengthen back his muscles. Buds thought that he would be doing this for the whole week before Tsuko would intensify his workout.

He was wrong.

Tsuko suddenly began increasing the work load at the fourth day. Lower body exercises now used weights attached to his legs and torso. Roadwork now consisted on alternating between jogging and sprinting, no longer including brisk walking. His grip training now consisted of carrying traditional clay pots filled with water (of varying levels) by their narrow necks. Upper body work consisted of using sophisticated exercise and weight machines at a gym (which Aoyama's own. Buds had wondered if there was anything in Kyoto they didn't own).

Each day, she began increasing intensity of the exercises. While the weights themselves didn't increase, she instead opted to increase the workload with more repetitions and going farther distances for roadwork cranking it up to its maximum on the last two days.

It all led to a natural conclusion. Like today, when he had dropped to the ground out of exhaustion just a few meters shy from his destination. And it wasn't even the end of his day.

Hurrah.

After dressing up, he hurried to the front gate, only to spot Tsuruko in front of the usual black Mercedes waiting for him. He winced. "Tsuruko-sama, good morning!" he greeted.

"You're late," Tsuruko replied, staring at him.

Buds scratched the back part of his head. "Uh. . . yes ma'am. Sorry ma'am." And he opened the rear passenger door immediately, and after ushering Tsuruko in, Buds once again took his place in the front, greeting Inari, the very same driver who had scared the crap out of him the first day he accompanied Tsuruko to the Academy.

On the way (in normal speed this time, thank God), Buds took a moment to relax, his back sinking at the backrest of the comfortable car seat, and closed his eyes. Tsuruko seemed to have noticed.

"You look tired," she said from the back. "Tsuko is working you hard."

Buds began opening and closing his hands. "Yes she is," he replied. He paused. "Maybe too hard. Aoyama-sama, maybe you could ask her to, uh, you know. . ."

"If you still have energy to have me ask her to go easier on you, then maybe she isn't working you that hard."

"Ouch," Inari chuckled.

"Shut up you," Buds muttered to her.

As they arrived, the academy was bustling, as always. With almost a week of accompanying Tsuruko through the crows of what Buds dubbed as 'nubile super models', he got used to their presence enough that he stopped catching himself from staring. Or so he hoped.

Tsuruko took the route towards the gymnasium where she would drop Buds off again. Considering the time and day, he was pretty sure Miyabi and the rest of club members were already doing their warm-ups, jogging in their bloomers (which he got used to real quick as well) or just stretching.

It was neither. The gymnasium was filled with sounds of grunts, shouts and whistling of air. Most of Tsuruko's club members were paired off, wearing kendo sparring uniforms (complete with armor) and were facing each other. Some of them were given instructions by Miyabi (who wore the usual PE blomers) or her assistants. The rest just kneeled around circles of a sparring pair, watching and whispering.

When Miyabi noticed Tsuruko, she whistled loud enough to halt activities, and gathered them to meet the Aoyama heir.

"Good morning, Aoyama-sama!" they advised.

"Hey Buds," Mayumi greeted. She looked formal in her kendo uniform, and even her usually loose hair was hidden underneath the thick bandana. Some of her friends greeted him too.

"Hey guys," he waved at them. "Sparring now eh?"

"Yep! You should join us!" Mayumi invited. Some laughed, which Buds hoped was directed to Mayumi's joke or outburst and not them being unappreciative to his (honestly) mediocre fighting skills.

"Maybe next time," was all he said. "I'm just surprised though. Don't you guys have classes?"

"We have a. . . I guess you can call it a tournament in three weeks time," Miyabi replied. "Sempai made a deal with the faculty to give us a bit of a leeway in our schedules."

"Specifically they are giving the first period of Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays of the next two weeks for club activities," Tsuruko supplied. "As long as academic performance does not degrade, they are willing to give us leeway." She then turned to the others. "As most of you know, the upcoming tournament isn't. . . orthodox. You will all be competing in against different disciplines. So, Buds-san?"

Buds, who was on the process of bringing his things to a corner of the track field straightened up immediately. "Uh, yes, Aoyama-sama?"

"You will spar with them this morning."

Buds blinked, and nodded. "Oh, okay." And after a moment, "Wait, what?"

"You will spar with them," Tsuruko repeated.

Buds looked at the girls all looking at him expectedly complete with kendo uniform and sparring armor. Most looked neutral, some looking like they had warmed up on the idea and others looked pretty apprehensive. He agreed with the latter.

"Tsuruko-sama, maybe now is a bad time. They are preparing for a tournament, and maybe springing this to them may not be such a good idea," he said.

"I have informed them of sempai's plan yesterday, Buds-san," Miyabi said, smiling slightly. "She called me a day before yesterday."

"I. . . wasn't informed," Buds mumbled, looking at Tsuruko, who just returned his gaze with a neutral one. "But still, I'm not. . . well, that skilled. Wouldn't having them spar a lesser opponent be, uh, detrimental?"

"Not to worry," Miyabi replied. "We had planned to have you spar with our least experienced, and work our way up. That way, we can asses who will benefit from sparring with you, and who wouldn't."

"Uh. . ."

Tsuruko cut Buds off. "Bodyguard-san, I have procured pads you could use for the spar," she said as she took out a bundle wrapped in cloth. "You can wear them over your training clothes. You can use the bathroom to change. And be quick as well."

"Um, Aoyama-sama, maybe-"

She raised an eyebrow. "You can either change in private, or I will dress you, here and now."

Well, yikes, Buds thought as he immediately gathered his bag and grabbed the bundle from Tsuruko's hands and went to the men's comfort room (oddly, why one was there, he never knew. He hadn't seen any males in this Academy. . . or maybe he's just distracted with so many young women here). In there, he changed out of his suit and pants and wore his training clothes, which basically consisted of loose red jogging pants, white long shirt, and a pair of trainers.

He unfolded the padding to study. It mostly covered his upper body. It consisted of shoulder pads, chest and abdomen plates, forearm guards, some fingerless gloves (the one with padding only in the knuckles and backhand), and a karate-do helmet (which was like any helmet, but the face was covered in a half dome hard transparent plastic). The helmet was easy. All he had to do was put it in his head, and tie it through his chin. The pads, though, gave him some trouble. While the shoulder pads and the upper body padding were connected, they had to be tied up on the back.

Buds tried to wear it as best as he could, but there was some slack. Looking at himself in the mirror, he turned his body, and jumped a few times. There was definitely some sliding of the armor, but generally stayed where it was supposed to. Forearm guards were easier, and after he put on the gloves, he walked out of the bathroom only for Miyabi to greet him.

"Waiting for me. Really?" Buds raised an eyebrow.

Miyabi just grinned. "Sempai seemed to have an idea you may have just started writing your resignation letter and run away."

"Yeah. Almost went for harikiri, but I couldn't bother," Buds said. "Only you though?"

"Yuna's guarding the window at the back."

"Huh. Can't fault her preparedness," Buds sighed. "I won't run away. Just. . . you know, go easy on the rookie, eh?"

"You need more confidence, Buds-san," Miyabi replied. "And someone to help you with that."

"With what?"

She pointed at his padding. "It's loose." She approached him. "You have to-"

"Whoa, whoa!" Buds turned, his arms coming up defensively. "It's okay, Miyabi-san."

Miyabi raised an eyebrow, and crossed her arms. "Really?"

"Uh, yeah. I like them loose, you know," and Buds did some shadow boxing. "You know, keep it nice and free."

"You can't reach the back, can you?"

"What, of course I can, why wouldn't I. . . uh, yeah, can't reach the back."

Miyabi laughed softly. "Honestly, Buds-san, there's nothing wrong in asking for help. Turn around." Buds reluctantly turned. "You know, acting like that really annoys people who are honestly trying to help you."

"Are you, uh, annoyed?" Buds asked.

Miyabi snorted as she untied the knot. "Really annoyed. In fact, so annoyed I'm going pull this cords so tightly, you won't be able to breathe. Relax!" she muttered the last part when Buds began to struggle. "Just kidding. I'm just going to tighten it enough do it won't go flying during the spar."

"Okay, but. . . uh, Miyabi-san," Buds said.

"Yes?" she asked as she finished unlacing the padding and began to re-knot them again.

"My safe word is 'mangoes'."

Miyabi paused. "What?"

After Miyabi tightened the pads, he went back to the gymnasium and walked in the circle of gathered girls of Tsuruko's club. He felt the weight of the pair of bamboo sticks he was given (which basically looked like shorter shinai). They were lighter than the weighted sticks Tsuko had given him, so he used the time to twirl them around, practice some strikes. He also stretched his arms and legs. The padding was spaced well enough to allow freedom of movement, yet tight enough not to be out of place.

Still, Buds thought, with all the ladies around, one had to ask, "Okay, honestly, do I look silly?"

The girls all looked at each other, and began to shake their heads unconvincingly.

"Yeah, thought so," Buds muttered. He looked around the circle and spotted Tsuruko, kneeling beside Miyabi. "Alright, so. . . how do we do this?"

"There will be no real restrictions on using any fighting forms. Use whatever you are most comfortable in. Fight ends with the fighter that gets two out of three, either by a clean hit, or by submission," Tsuruko looked around. "Remember, this is a spar. Please try to avoid seriously injuring each other. If possible, aim for the padding. Miyabi and I will be proctoring to make sure no one gets seriously hurt. Understood?"

"Yes ma'am," Buds replied, and the girls also said at the same time, "Yes Aoyama-sama."

"First off, Mayumi," Miyabi announced. "Step forward."

"Yes!" Mayumi replied, standing up from her position. She carried her helmet (not the same as Buds. Hers was the same as those used in kendo tournaments) under her left arm, and her sword on her right arm, on her back.. "Hey Buds. You and me eh?"

"Um, yeah," Buds blinked. "Are you-?"

"Just joined last year, so, yeah, I'm the junior," Mayumi replied as she kneeled down again, placed her shinai on the ground in front of her. She then bowed. "Please."

Buds raised his right fist, still holding his weapon, banged it on his chest and gave a slight bow, not taking his eyes off her. "Please."

Mayumi smiled, and put her helmet on, and tied it. She grabbed her shinai, and stood up. "Ready," she said, her voice clear, if not slightly muffled from her headgear.

"Buds-san, you ready?" Miyabi asked.

"Ready," Buds replied.

"Best two out of three," Miyabi declared. "Fight with honor!"

Mayumi positioned her arms and shinai at her right side, her feet slowly encircling her surroundings. Buds himself moved to position as well, placing his hands so the stick on his left was covering his left side of his face, and his right weapon position almost similar to Mayumi's. His feet swept a bit forward, steadying him, readying him for almost anything.

For a moment, there was nothing but Mayumi and him. His eyes kept moving from her weapon, her foot positioning, and finally her shoulders. He could hear his breathe inside the enclosed helmet, and the muted sounds of tortured wood as he tightened his grip on his sticks.

After what seemed to be an hour, Mayumi moved. She shouted as she raised her shinai above her head, and charged right in.

The attack was too obvious, too telegraphed. Buds shifted his shoulders, hips and legs as he let his left weapon deflect the overhead strike, and at the same time, his right weapon smacked right at the side of Mayumi's helmet lightly.

She reeled back, most likely stunned, and out of balance. Buds dug in deeper. Using his left and right weapons in quick strikes, he hit her helmet again, WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!, with the last hit making a resounding echo.

"STOP!" Miyabi shouted. "Score, Buds-san."

Buds moved back from Mayumi, who still looked a bit shocked as she tried to stand up.

"Ouch, nice," Mayumi declared. "You're faster than I thought!"

"Uh, thanks?"

Miyabi didn't sound pleased though. "What was that, Mayumi? Take this seriously already!"

"Wait," Buds blinked. "Mayumi-san. . . weren't you serious?"

"Uh, I will be, no worries!" she gave a nervous laugh. "Anyways, ready!"

Buds wondered for a moment if he was being underestimated, and hesitantly said, "Alright. Ready."

Miyabi nodded, and once again, said "Fight!"

Mayumi went to position again. Buds took a few moments before he readied himself as well. For a moment, the two figures slowly began to inch towards the center in silence, and Buds wondered where Mayumi will attack this time.

"Hey, Buds-san," Mayumi said. "How about I invite you to my room, so I can show you how I can really handle a sword."

"Sure, that's great. . ." Buds replied absent-mindedly, until he realized what she just said. "Wait, what?"

Then she struck. Her shinai came down faster and less readable than before. Buds was barely to block and deflect it as she suddenly went side stepped, and tried to take a whack at his ribs.

"I have been practicing, conditioning my hands with different oils and creams," she continued. "Rub it nice and-" she deflected Buds counter attack aimed at her shoulder, "- slow. Up-" and she slammed her shinai down at him, hard, "- and down."

Holy crap, Buds thought as he blocked the overhead strike, and dodged another. Her moves were not telegraphed anymore, and she was putting some good combinations strikes. It was nothing he could dodge or deflect, but it was the distraction that was making her attacks very effective.

Seduction. She was beautiful no doubt, but her body was unflattering in that kendo uniform. Though she couldn't incorporate any alluring hip swinging, or emphasize any of her assets in combat, it didn't matter as her voice took care of everything.

Imagine a voice as sweet as honey and with the texture of velvet, deep enough to hide her young age while exuding confidence and tease to catch his attention. He had expected it from a professional courtesan who had seduced and bettered men far older and more experienced than he was. It was a sound that would find itself in any male's fantasy, one that whispered promises of heaven, rapture, and pleasure beyond.

Even though she may know, in a level, that Buds himself won't really act on it having known each other better for the past week, she knew the tactic was still valid. It may be double standard, but it is a certain truth. He was a male, relatively young, and therefore had a healthy appetite for the opposite sex. And when Tsuruko had first introduced him to them, he had shown he was attracted to them.

Her current tactic was based in using that against him. But, Buds thought with a small grin, fighting like this was a bit of a double edged sword, especially for someone as young as her. Like any tactic, turn it inward, it will collapse.

"I would love to come to your room, Mayumi-chan," Buds tried to keep his voice steady, letting a little excitement gruff his voice. It wasn't hard. God, that sounded bad, but it wasn't hard. "I would love to feel your hands and see how they handle a sword," and he slowly began to speed up his strikes, slowly putting her on defensive, "And while you show case your skill with your hands, I will also my skill with my tongue."

There was a slight hesitation on her defense. "Really? Like what? Kisses?"

"If you like. Imagine, slow, gentle kisses, slowly working on your cheeks, your neck, and your sweet lips," Buds replied as he positioned on her right, positioning his legs to briefly touch hers.

Maymi was backing up, her steps were becoming clumsy. Her voice slowly broke. "My lips eh?"

This time, their arms almost came in contact. There was a slight feel of fabric, but it was enough. "I know how to give a perfect Australian kisses," Buds gave his most confident smile. "It's like French kisses. Except down under."

"W-what?"

That's when he pounced in, his arms moving in sync as they hit and aimed the left ribs, the stomach, left shoulder, and ended with two strikes to the head that drove Mayumi off balanced as she fell on the matt.

"STOP!" Miyabi shouted again. "Winner: Buds-san."

Buds immediately helped Mayumi up, who removed her helmet once she was back on her feet. She didn't look worse for wear, sweating a bit, and flushed.

"You okay?" Buds asked. "I didn't overdo the strikes right?"

"It was fine," Mayumi replied, taking a few deep breathes. She wouldn't meet his eyes.

Yikes. "Uh, did I overdo the. . . you know?"

Mayumi looked at him for a moment, and then gave a small smile. "My fault. I started it."

"You got that seductive voice down, you know that?"

"Best way I could keep up with anyone here really," she replied.

"Works on girls?" Buds asked, impressed.

"Like you wouldn't believe," Mayumi whispered only for him to hear it. She then bowed to him. "Thank you for sparing me."

Buds bowed as well. "Thank you for letting me win."

Mayumi picked up her shinai, and looked at him for a moment. She hesitated. "Hey, if you survive, would you be interested to eat out with me and some of my friends?"

"If you mean by lunch, yeah, sure," Buds replied and then blinked. "Uh, what do you mean, survive?"

Mayumi began to walk back to her place where she had been kneeling earlier, but not without saying, "We had an audience you know."

Buds blinked once more, and looked around him. The girls mostly tried to avoid eye contact with him, with some looking a bit flushed. He felt slightly worried about that. A handful seemed unfazed by the whole thing, which he thought was a good sign, but with just a glance at Tsuruko, he felt his blood freeze.

She looked at him with almost cold calculating fury.

"Miyabi-san," Tsuruko declared in an utterly neutral tone. "I think it may be more. . . productive, if you will be the next to spar."

Well, crap.

Miyabi looked at Tsuruko, and back to Buds, who looked like he swallowed something bitter. She just sighed, and nodded. "Yes, sempai."

She tied her hair in a tight bun, and grabbed her shinai, stood up and briskly walked at the center of the circle. When she was face to face with Buds, she could only give him a weak smile and bowed. "I'll promise to knock you out as fast as I can," she said. "Ready."

Crap! "Uh, not ready!" Buds replied. "I, uh, seem tired. Mayumi was one heck of an opponent. She took a lot out of me."

Tsuruko gave a serene smile that promised death and suffering. "Does bodyguard-san look tired to you girls?"

A whole lot of them shook their heads in negative. Yeah, thanks a lot for your support, Buds sighed. He looked at his opponent. "Miyabi-san, you don't seem to be dressed appropriately for the spar. Maybe you can, uh, dress up?"

"She won't need protective gear against you," Tsuruko replied. Ouch. "Now, proceed."

"Buds-san," Miyabi whispered just audible enough for both of them. "Don't make it worse. Just bow, and do your best."

Buds looked between her and the circle around him, calculating how fast he could be with his padding, armor, and how high he'd have to jump to go over them. He'd have to throw his weapon at Miyabi to distract her. Maybe throw one at Tsuruko. Unmolested, he could be out of the gym in ten seconds.

And then she would hunt him, hurt him, and if she had mercy, put him down.

Buds sighed as he bowed. Maybe facing Miyabi-san would be a lesser punishment. Besides, what did he know of her fighting abilities? All he knew was that she was the assistant trainer who was directly under Tsuruko. In that case, she must be the second strongest and an experienced member of the club. Of course, that didn't mean anything. She could either be a potential monster like Tsuruko, or maybe just above average.

He hoped for the latter.

"Ready," he said, and went to his fighting form. Miyabi did the same.

Tsuruko seemed to nod. "Fight!"

First thing Buds noticed was Miyabi's posture was different from Mayumi's. Her hands were stretched forward, holding the shinai perpendicularly from her body. Just by her form, he could guess she could easily block an attack from either direction with just a flick of her wrist. Also, the way she held her sword in front of her would make it difficult to do a frontal approach.

He studied her face. Miyabi's eyes seemed to be locked into concentration. Her easy going smile disappeared, replaced with a thin line on the lips. In fact, she looked downright scary. Still, her form seemed to be just good for defense. If she were to attack, especially at that angle, her legs would have to move to a better positioning before she would move her hands, especially if she needed power.

Concentrate on the legs, Buds told himself. Concentrate on her legs!

He inched closer to her, slowly, testing the waters with some mock swings. She didn't react. She just looked at him steadily. Finally, he was just a few meters from her. Still nothing. Buds wondered maybe it was time he took an offensive on this one.

He could lead with his left stick, angle it to upward so he could charge forward with his right, and stab her at chest area. Seemed like a good plan as any.

Here we go, Buds muttered to himself as he touched the shinai with his left weapon.

He felt the contact. It was solid, for just a second, and disappeared. And so did Miyabi. Next thing Buds knew, he felt a hard whack on top of his head. Staggering back, he saw a blur of Miyabi as she struck him again on the side of his head, loud enough to ring his ears, and a last hard smash right in front of his face.

Next thing he saw was the gym roof, and wondered how that got there.

"Stop," Tsuruko stated, almost lazily. "Score for Miyabi."

Buds shook his head, and slowly stood up. He saw Miyabi patiently waiting for him, a knee on the ground, her shinai held steady. He looked at her for a moment, and sighed.

"Crap, you're fast."

Miyabi didn't reply. Heck, she didn't even react at all. She just said, "Ready."

Buds took a deep breath. Just one more fight. Then it'll all be over. A part of him wanted to hold still, let her strike him hard and get this over with. It was logical. Why suffer more than he had to? It was clear she was more skilled than he was. All he had to do was take the hit.

Another part of him didn't. It was either a new found competitive spirit, or maybe wounded pride of a twenty-one year old guy who just got trounced earlier by a younger woman who's below her weight level, but he didn't want to just lie quietly.

Only after a payback, he thought suddenly. After a hit, after a score.

Buds sighed, wondering if he was becoming insane. "Ready."

"Fight!"

Buds immediately threw his left stick at Miyabi, and dashed towards her. She deflected the projectile, and he shouted as he attacked her diagonally in at her right shoulder. He missed. Her shoulders moved and let his attack pass through as she raised her arms, holding the shinai high for an overhead strike. Buds tucked his stomach on, and rolled on the floor as it came down the matt hard and he tried to counter with a strike at the side of her head.

He missed.

The next couple of strikes were blocked, parried or dodged. The echoes of wood hitting wood was resounding all over the gym as Buds, down to one stick, tried to overcome by positioning himself closer to Miyabi.

The length of her shinai made it less effective than his weapon on close range so he tried to get close to her. But Miyabi kept her distance, as if she knew what he had in mind, forcing Buds had to switch his position around her, striking when it seemed safe, hoping that if he could keep attacking, she'd have to try and commit so she wouldn't be overwhelmed, and then he could hit her with a counter.

All he needed was one hit. Just one hit. Then maybe he could lie down and let her hit him.

He felt the opportunity rise when Miyabi suddenly shifted from defensive to offensive. She struck with speed that drove Buds back. He smiled inwardly. All he needed to do was bait her into an overhead strike. Focusing on strikes from the sides, he then blocked her counter until they got into a pseudo-rhythm. He would strike at her left; and then she would block, and then counter with a strike on her right.

It went on until Buds finally faked an opening. He overcommitted a block on her right strike, exposing his right flank and shoulders. She immediately shifted her elbows, raising the shinai for an overhead strike. Buds immediately went for his counter. His right hand suddenly whipped back so the hilt of his weapon would strike the unprotected head of Miyabi.

It would most likely leave a nasty bruise. But. . . it's one hit.

She shifted her legs at the last second, and his hilt hit nothing but air. Buds' eyes widened as he realized Miyabi was now at left side, and struck. He barely blocked it, and with a flick of her wrist, his last weapon flew from his hand, leaving him unarmed and defeated.

"I have been disarmed," Buds declared as he raised his hands, slowly moving away from Miyabi. He looked at Tsuruko, hoping she'd declare Miyabi's victory. Instead, she looked at him neutrally, silent. He repeated, "I have been disarmed."

"No clean hit. The spar will continue," Tsuruko said.

"What, wait- whoa!" Buds dodged as Miyabi suddenly charged at him, her weapon almost striking him on his head. His hands moved automatically to block them, and countered with a jab that hit.

Miyabi staggered back, some surprise coloring her face as she felt her lip with one hand. Buds was about to apologize, when she suddenly smiled, and charged in immediately.

Buds jabbed a few more times to keep her at distance and weaved through her attacks using small movements as he was taught. He tried to get in close, but her foot lashed out and swiped his midsection. Bouncing back, Buds tried again, this time, lashed his foot out to block hers, and unleashed a left hook that she dodged cleanly.

The clear plastic covering was now fogging up. His arms and legs were getting numb, and he was now struggling to breathe. How long was he fighting already? He had to finish this fast.

Disarm her. Then go for the kill, he thought. I have two forearm guards. Use them.

Shouting, he charged in, this time leading with his right foot as he forcibly stepped on hers, and unleashed a fury of light punches on her midsection, and a hook to her head. She dodged the last strike, countering with a diagonal side swipe, which he blocked with his left forearm, and using his right as leverage, disarmed her with a twist of his hips.

Miyabi pushed him out with enough force to free her foot, ran in, and to Buds' surprise, jumped and tried to kick him, twisting her back and hips to add more power to her attack.

He thought she was insane to even do a move like that. No matter how much leverage one used, something like that worked only in the movies. Flashy moves and high kicks were the best way to get defeated, unless your opponent is too tired or stunned to even counter.

Buds was neither. He still had some energy left. Stepping in, he caught Miyabi by the hips; he spread his legs to stabilize himself as he stopped her dead in the air. With his last ounce of strength, he shouted as he lifted her higher and slammed her hard on the matt.

His legs gave way, and he collapsed into her. He tried to get more oxygen to his system, and knew that he probably wouldn't be able to move much on the last round, but at least he got this one. He got a round from a very powerful and experienced opponent. That was worth something.

Suddenly, her legs slithered around his head and right shoulder, trapping his right hand as she hooked her left leg behind his head, and squeezed. He suddenly couldn't breathe. He began to hear ringing in his ears, and the only thing he saw was Miyabi, who stared at him, trapping his right hand useless.

"Mangoes!" he tried to say. It came out weak. "Mangoes!"

"STOP!"

Miyabi blinked, and slowly loosened her legs. Buds took a deep breath that burned his lungs and left him exhausted. He didn't bother to get up. He just turned on his back, closed his eyes and relaxed.

"Buds-san, are you okay?" he heard. He didn't bother to open his eyes.

"I'm not doing that again. . ." the SI replied through his breathes. For a moment, he couldn't hear anything but his breathing. He tried to move his arms, to untie his helmet, but couldn't. He felt someone move his hands aside, untied his headgear and slowly removed it. He let them, and when the helmet was removed, he began to breathe cold fresh air.

It was comfortable. It was good.

He felt a tap on his arm. "Sorry for overdoing it."

Buds just continued to breathe the fresh air. "Just wake me up when its lunch."

* * *

Miyabi finishing her second Takoyaki ball when she saw Tsuruko sitting on a stone bench under a tree. No matter how many times she has seen this place, no matter how many times she had passed, the academy grounds was a beautiful piece of nature. Yet even that didn't seem to give her sempai any cheer.

"You could have joined them for lunch, sempai," Miyabi called, approaching her.

The Aoyama heir turned to see her, and nodded in acknowledgement. She joined Tsuruko on the bench.

"What?" the Aoyama heir asked.

Miyabi sighed. "You could have joined Buds-san and the others at lunch."

"I didn't feel like joining," Tsuruko replied.

"Guilt?"

Tsuruko stared at her for a moment, and said, "I may have been mistaken in focusing the training to work on his speed."

"Yes. You did well on getting him back to shape, but his body structure and style doesn't suit it," Miyabi said. "His style is more on overwhelming opponents with positioning and hard strikes."

"Work on his core and strength, eh?"

"Footwork and endurance as well," Miyabi replied. For a moment, they were silent. "Sempai, can I ask why you're pursuing this?"

Tsuruko took out a few photos from her pocket, and handed it to Miyabi. "Inari has been tailing her for a bit. After catching both of them last week, I became suspicious. They both claim it was nothing, but these do not inspire confidence of her word."

Miyabi checked the photographs handed to her, and it was all pictures of Anko, spying near the window on the gymnasium. Around her neck was a pair of binoculars, and there was another picture that had her writing on a notepad.

"You can cut him loose, if you're worried they are using him to strike against your family," Miyabi said.

"I will not do that," Tsuruko replied.

Miyabi looked at her sempai, and then looked at the pantry where Mayumi, Buds and the others were sharing lunch. "Tsuko?"

Tsuruko just sighed. "Yes."

"You know a relationship is not possible," Miyabi said slowly.

Tsuruko sighed again. "I know that too."

Miyabi looked at her sempai. They had been good friends since they first met all those years ago, and if she was to be accepted as an official Aoyama soldier and work for her family, they would remain so in the foreseeable future as well. Years of knowing her gave some insight. She knew the Aoyama heir was in heavy thought. She also knew that, while Tsuruko would never admit it, her position as heir was a lonely future. And while she had her friends now, once she reaches adulthood, graduates from school, she would only have a handful of them, and from those, only a few she would trust completely.

"I should have stopped it when he was disarmed," Tsuruko muttered. "But I wanted to see how he'd react. How he'd adapt, how good his unarmed skills were."

Miyabi looked at her. "Honestly, Buds-san didn't mean any of those things he said to Mayumi. He just countered the tactic she does, and overcame her with experience, and some really suggestive words."

"It's not that," Tsuruko replied. "It's just. . . never mind. I may have earned some ire from our club members with that last spar. I remembered Mayumi-san being a bit. . . vocal."

"Buds-san settled it down with a joke about the spar being 'awesome' because he ended with his head between my legs," Miyabi shrugged.

Tsuruko looked at her sharply. "And how did such. . . vulgarities become a joke?"

Miyabi smiled. "By laughing as he said it. I personally heard him say it myself. He wasn't implying anything. It worked like a charm too. The whole group just stopped on their tracks for a few seconds, and joined in the laughter. Mayumi was the loudest."

"So, either he is completely honest, or he is the most deceptive male we have ever met so far," Tsuruko said. "I do not know which prospect is more daunting."

"It could be because he grew up on a different culture. He's a gainjin, sempai. He may have grown up in an environment where he could look at females only as friends." Miyabi then blinked, realizing something. "Oh. So that's what you are worried about."

Tsuruko nodded. "Tsuko. . . likes him. But, the question is does he look at her more than a friend?"

Miyabi looked at Tsuruko oddly. "They have only known each other for a week, sempai. Don't you think that whatever Tsuko feels, it could be premature?"

Tsuruko didn't reply.

Miyabi finished off her takoyaki, and wondered if she was going to regret saying this. "If Tsuko really feels strongly about this, she would have to ask Buds directly."

Tsuruko looked at Miyabi, and gave a slight nod. She looked at the direction where the cafeteria and asked, "Why didn't you join them, Miyabi?"

Miyabi looked at her sempai, and shrugged. "I didn't feel like showing myself to him."

"Why?" Tsuruko asked.

"I made him helpless, submit. I think we did enough damage sempai." The older teen looked at her suspiciously. Miyabi sighed. "And I also wanted to avoid Mayumi. She's been making cat calls and congratulating me."

"Regarding what?"

"She claims I have permanently given your bodyguard the incentive to stay and spar with them," Miyabi replied.

Tsuruko blinked, for a moment blank, then narrowed her eyes as understanding took place.

"Buds-san's. . . joke was left open enough for Mayumi to act upon. Like she was taught, she pounced on it without hesitation or pity," Miyabi shrugged. "I don't know if I should be angry or proud."

Tsuruko sighed. She stared at the direction of the cafeteria. "I think I am beginning to regret arranging the spars," was all she said.


End file.
